I was reading the news on my laptop recently (and by “reading the news”, I really mean looking up details of Orlando Bloom’s current romance with a certain big-boobèd pop star), and I came across an article describing how September and October are quickly becoming the most popular months for weddings.
Ah, weddings. I enjoy watching guests stumble around on a dance floor whilst gracefully sipping my champagne (depending on the wedding, it might be more like chugging rather than sipping), wearing a dress my mother advised against (I maintain that no, leopard print is NOT tacky, Mom!).
In case anyone happens to be attending any this fall, I’ve decided to submit some tips on how to enjoy yourself fully at the joyous union of two souls in matrimony.
1. Don’t worry about buying a new dress. EVERY woman has at least ONE dress in their closet that they wore once to either a sorority semiformal or a baby shower or some other event where they may or may not have had a little too much Moscato and ended up flirting heavily with their Uber driver, Kevin.
2. Forget the rule prohibiting white. Okay, I know, this is a little bit controversial, but I don’t think that wearing a white sundress to a wedding will really upstage the bride. Unless your white sundress is floor-length, made of yards of lace or tulle, or accessorized with a veil and six bridesmaids. Just wear the damn sundress!
3. For heaven’s sake, watch how much you drink! The last thing you need to do is find out from another guest that you drank 12 whiskey sours, flashed the bartender, lost one of your shoes, and made out with a 16-year-old usher after the reception.
4. If you have a date, enjoy their company. Dance to ‘Wonderful Tonight’ with them when the DJ inevitable plays it “for all the lovers out there”. Share your piece of cake with them. Let them hand you a tissue when you cry during the beautiful ceremony.
5. And if you don’t have a date? Enjoy that too. Find a cute, single person who came solo and ask them to dance. Bring them a drink. Or don’t. The good thing about coming to a wedding stag is that you only need to worry about yourself.
Whether you have any weddings to attend on your calendar this fall or not, these tips can apply year-round. I, for one, don’t have any on my schedule currently, so excuse me as I get back to scrolling through wedding boards on Pinterest.
I mean…reading the news.