You Don't Have To Like Me - Book Review

Written By: Shauna Yanchuk

“And if you looking for a surefire way to turn a comfortable party into a very alcohol-fueled romp through gender politics, bring up feminism.”

Alida Nugent, in her novel You Don’t Have To Like Me: Essays on Growing Up, Speaking Out, and Finding Feminism

The word feminism elicits a strange hurricane of reaction from those who misinterpret it. When some hear the words “I’m a feminist” they rush to check the armpits and legs of the woman who said it: does this woman collect her body hair as protest?

Or they grow defensive: So you think women are better than men?

Or, the best one; a fear manifests in their minds of women gangs running around town with pitchforks, rounding up men to enslave to an all female-run society.

Well, I’m here to tell you, that’s not what feminism is. And, if you don’t believe me, or aren’t completely sure what feminism is all about, look no further than You Don’t Have To Like Me: Essays on Growing Up, Speaking Out, and Finding Feminism, a novel by Alida Nugent. In this book you will learn the rules of feminism, according to Nugent (spoiler alert: the rules are there are no rules. The whole point of feminism is just be who you are, do what you want, and demand to be treated with respect regardless).  However, this book is not only about feminism and realizing it’s not as daunting as you might think. It’s also about embracing yourself for you who are, and more importantly, accepting yourself for who you aren’t.

 Photo of Nugent inside her Novel You Don’t Have To Like Me published by Penguin Random House

Photo of Nugent inside her Novel You Don’t Have To Like Me published by Penguin Random House

If you’ve never read Alida Nugent’s work before, you’re in for a treat. Not only is Nugent hilarious and witty, but she’s incredibly relatable. From the loathe she has towards eating healthy and losing weight, to the endless search of lipstick that doesn’t smudge when devouring 18 slices of pizza at midnight, Nugent shows readers it’s fine to be a mess of a person and still be feminine.

To purchase this book you can look on Amazon.com . Or, if you don’t mind a used book, Thriftbooks.com is a perfect site to order so many books in such a short amount of time, you run the risk of ending up bankrupt.

To check out more of Alida Nugent’s work, visit her blog yourbestworstfriend.com.


 

HI LOVES, SOME MORE ARTICLES YOU MIGHT LIKE

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Being You.

Written By: Kathryn Swartout

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Do you ever dread going to the gym because you know there will be a bunch of workout fanatics there? And you KNOW that your body isn’t nearly as “good-looking” as theirs is. Well, you are wrong.

Here is something that might help prove that you are wrong. You are just as good looking as any other person, just in your own unique way. It may sound like a cliché, but think that way, and see how much farther you will get with yourself.

The gym, whether it be small, big, busy, or almost out of business, is for everybody. Once you enter the building, it is a safe place for you to be yourself and push yourself however far you want to go.

You might say, “Oh, but the clothes I have aren’t as nice or as put together as others” or “I am not the gym type.” I say, so what. It isn’t as scary as it might seem. I mean, it could look like the fighting scene from Mean Girls…

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However, we know that is a major exaggeration and the gym community would not be fighting over a hot guy. This could be your chance to get out of a slump, or maybe impress yourself when you see what you are capable of.

Whatever it is, find your motivation and set that in your mind to reach the goal you have set for yourself. Just be you.

MORE ARTCILES

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Are Tampons hurting you?

Written By: Lacy Bundy

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Ladies, we’ve come a long way in sexual and feminine health since the days of the sanitary belt our grandmother’s had to wear. Can you believe the first adhesive sanitary napkin wasn’t available for consumers until the 1970s? Say what?!

While we may not be rocking the feminine hygiene products of yesteryear, the typical go-to when Aunt Flo arrives is still the standard tampon or pad. These options are definitely reliable and convenient, but that comes at a cost. Along with the obvious environmental concerns linked with one-time use products (they all end up in landfills or water treatment facilities and plastic takes a long time to break down), there are also legitimate concerns about the effect on a woman’s body. Studies have shown links between the chemicals in tampons, cancer, and Toxic Shock Syndrome.

Yikes!

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But don’t fret! Nowadays, we have more options than ever to control our flow and be mindful of both the environment and our bodies.

1) Soft Menstrual Cups

Fun fact: These little wonders have been around since the 1930s, but have only recently become a wildly popular menstruation alternative. The menstrual cup works similarly to a tampon, but unlike the tampon, the silicone or latex rubber cup is inserted and collects the blood rather than absorbing. Since the cups hold about twice as much as a tampon or pad you only dump it every 10 to 12 hours (Hallelujah for fewer trips to the bathroom)! Many brands like DivaCup and Lunette are readily available and most are reusable. A total win for the environment. 

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2) Period Panties

Who’s a fan of ruining their favorite pair of panties with period stains? Not today, girl! I give you, the period panty! Although the idea of not using a tampon or pad and just bleeding into your underwear seems strange, these panties are made to be washable, stain resistant, odor-controlling and all around comfortable. Not only that, but many companies have a range of panties from the everyday brief to a sexy thong, so you’ll be covered for any occasion

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3) Menstrual Sponge

When you hear the word sponge, I’m sure your vagina and period isn’t the first thing that comes to mind, but you can actually use a natural sea sponge as your period protection! Probably the most natural crossover from a tampon, the sponge is inserted and absorbs your period, but without any harsh chemicals, bleach or fragrance found in cotton tampons. And since the sponges can be used for six months or longer with proper cleaning and care, you won’t be shelling out money every month on pricey pads and tampons.

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4) Organic Pads & Tampons

The vagina is a sensitive and delicate area of a woman’s body and absorbs toxins and chemicals even more so than your skin. So, even if you aren’t ready to make the leap to a more unique alternative, try organic tampons and pads to limit any harmful exposure. Working in the exact same way as traditional tampons, many brands like Honest and Cora use 100% organic cotton that hasn’t been treated with pesticides, dyes or toxins to create their tamps. Win! Still care about the environmental waste? Try using your organic tampons with a reusable tampon applicator by DAME to limit the plastic waste.

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So the next time Shark Week rolls around, try reaching for one of these comfortable and natural period protection alternatives. Your body will thank you, period.

xoxo Lacy

 

Real talk about dating a dad

Written By: Jill Warwick ~  @girlwiththejoplinglasses

Just when the dating game couldn’t get any more complicated, you get older and suddenly every eligible person in a 100-mile radius has a kid or two.

Dating someone with children is hard and sometimes uncomfortable, whether you’re meeting the kids for the first time, being around the ex, or even trying to make eggs the right way, all while working to not become an evil stepmother.

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There’s nothing like the hard, 90-degree learning curve of hanging around or thinking about hanging around someone else’s children to make you question everything about yourself and your life:

  • When do you meet the kids? Do you want to?

  • Are we serious enough for that? Do we have any type of future?

  • Do I even want kids?

Who knew you’d grow up and relate to a Julia Roberts character so much?

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While doing some online research about this topic, to see what my own personal experience missed, I came across numerous lists of “What to Know” about dating single parents. After initially feeling bummed I hadn’t really come up with THAT original of a topic, I clicked on some links to see if what I thought had already been said.

The second list I read had a few good points, but also some ‘don’ts’ that raised my eyebrows - don’t expect to go to “every happening event in town” or on pricey trips, don’t ask “are you listening?” (The whole list can be found here).

I don’t know about you but I cannot afford multiple destination vacations in a year or fancy dinners every week. Even without kids, not every man can pay for those things.

As a woman who doesn’t mind paying for dates and gifts and who actually financed a lot of those things in her last relationship, it seems like the author was telling women to not expect anything from a man just because he has children.

It also seems like whoever wrote this list thinks women expect to be pampered like a queen or Paris Hilton’s dog.

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Women want your time and effort!

It is understandable if a man is on a budget because of his bills and needs to provide for his children.  Sometimes money is tight, but the belief that women should expect to live in the backseat of their boyfriend’s mind for the entire relationship because he has children needs to stop.  

Starting a relationship with someone who is a parent means having to share them, supporting them, and that plans change. Children get sick, have class recitals, sports practices and other needs. As the girlfriend, you do sometimes have to be second…sometimes.

This does not mean he gets a free pass to not be an active part of your romantic relationship.

This does not mean you are not important.

This does not mean you do not deserve someone to take care of you or they never have to put in any effort for you.

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Just like couples who have to learn how to make time for themselves after they have kids, there has to be time for you and this person to BE a couple. You cannot spend your life with someone, be in their children’s lives and only be half loved.

Someday, those kids will start their own lives and it will just be the two of you; then what?

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As scary as dating someone with children is, there is also the potential for even more love. There may be times when you are lucky enough to be there for a happy memory or a first – a first time seeing the ocean, a first time trying a new food, a first time riding a bike or driving a car.  

You are never going to replace a parent, but you get to become another adult in the child’s life and get to watch them grow. But you also deserve a strong partnership, with clear communication and support from someone who sees you as a priority.

Dating someone with kids does not mean you don’t get to have a strong, healthy, fun relationship.

Don’t give and give and give and never be filled back up.

 

Shameful Portions

Written By: Kathryn Swartout

So, it’s a Friday night, your co-workers invited you out to a dinner and drink at the local restaurant. You are all talking and making jokes about what to get, and they are all talking about the carb loaded meals with sides and appetizers plus a few drinks. You know you are supposed to be watching what you eat, but you have been eating clean for weeks, and the end to your food cleanse is almost over. What do you do? Stick to your plan and finish it like a champ!

Going out in public with others can be a fun time, especially when it involves dinner and drinks. However, you shouldn’t think that just because everyone else is binging on bar food, that you should too.

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This issue can also go both ways, you shouldn’t be ashamed to order the meal you have been wanting or you have earned. Not everybody is judging you on your decisions, it’s all in your head, just tell yourself that it is okay.

Whatever the situation, you should never feel ashamed, just own it and enjoy every second of whatever you decide to do.
 

You’re NOT Invited

Written By: RO

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Ever been left out? Sucks right? You start wondering why you are the only one not going to the party?

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Or the happy hour? It's time to learn your next life lesson : You won't get invited to everything, so move on. When you're in the moment though it's not as easy to just let that shit go! You begin to wonder what did I do to that person to NOT deserve an invite!!??

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Take it as a moment of reflection. But don't dwell on it too much. It could be an ex of yours was going to be there, or it may be a smaller get together and you may not know anyone there. Or, could that person be slowly drifting from your friendship harbor? Whatever the reason, who cares. You have other people in your life who want you to be a part of theirs so call them up and go hang out!

You can also try heading out solo and meet new people.  Life is so short, you don't need people in your life who don't want to invite you out. Phuk ‘em. Whatever you do, don't stay home the same night as the party. Make new memories,  be adventurous, and do something better than a party. That way if it ever comes up you can be like “Oh I had plans, I wouldn't have been able to go anyways.”

Most importantly, let it go. Don't give it much thought. At some point this was going to happen and you have to be ok. Just make note of it and maybe start seeing this friend in a new light. Don't hate on the people who were invited. Just be cool about it and be the bigger person. Carrying resentment is too much work anyways and bad vibes aren't helpful. Continue to be your kind self because you're a bad ass like that. “Sometimes you're not invited, so you don't steal the attention. Remember that.”

Xoxo

 

 

Conscious Consumption: The Dangers of Diet Culture

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Last week, Kim Kardashian came under fire for an Instagram post advertising appetite suppressing lollipops. As a woman of so much influence, she had a choice to make, and she made the wrong one. She has a huge following (111 million people saw this post) and chose to tell her followers that eating was less important than the size of your waist.

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Diet culture, a system that values weight, shape, and size over health and well-being, is toxic and contributes to eating disorders, body dysmorphia, and low self-esteem. We all know that Kim’s iconic figure did not come to her naturally, so by her promoting dangerous appetite suppressants, she is further contributing to a toxic message that a woman’s worth rests solely upon her appearance.

Celebrities and influencers have a choice to make with their platform and privilege. Some chose to speak out against dangerous and toxic expectations of beauty for women. Others let their money do the talking. Our happiness does not depend on the size of our waist. If we want to eat that cheeseburger, we should be able to, free from guilt or the pressures of society.

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We live in a time where we are constantly consuming content and information. If celebrities aren’t going to make responsible choices about the content they produce and endorse, we need to make the conscious decision to stop consuming their media. We have the power to send them a message. Consume consciously. Do not fall into the traps of diet culture simply because a person of influence wants to make a cut of the lollipops you might buy. Take a stand.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Put Your Week on Paper: Download Included”

Written By: Niya Smith ~ @niyaunique

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Monday starts & the week unzips, fast af.

At the start of each week, I sit down to organize the week on paper. This helps with staying on task and frees up mental space to be able to construct other solutions. It’s imperative that you set optical goals so that you distinguish what it takes in the immediate future to attain them.  

The fundamental key is to always start with a note to yourself. You know you better than anyone. Be candid in this note & use verbiage that will nourish you to the next level.

Here’s a starting point. Download it, print it, recreate it - win your week.

Big Love,

NI

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HOLD TO SAVE IMAGE

 

 

Phenomenal Women

Written by: Michelle Davalos ~ @michelle.g.davalos

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On May 18th, 2018 I will be graduating from the University of San Francisco with a Bachelor of Science degree in Management.

I'm working professional and attended courses in the evenings and some Saturdays. But this article is not about me, it's about my beautiful female student colleagues. These women are veterans, wives, mothers, single mothers, athletes, works with at risk youth, leaders in the health care industry, marathon runners, daughters, sisters, sports moms, care takers to their aging parents, aunties, future world leaders...the list goes on and on. They embody every aspect of being a woman!

These women made the ultimate sacrifice to expand their minds. Their sacrifice was something take for granted and can never retrieve, TIME. Ironically, time is something we consider valuable as we grow older. Every missed birthday party, baseball game, family function or just being home for simple family dinner weighed heavy on their minds. Yet, they beat the odds and accomplished what most seem daunting.

I've witnessed and admired them for embracing their education with agility and grace. Here’s what I’ve learned from these phenomenal women; don’t let past afflictions define your future, don’t fear opening your heart to new female friends, competition is unwarranted, and growth is encouraged. I'm truly honored to be a small particle that cycled through their large orbit.

I’m going to leave you with Maya Angelou’s Phenomenal Woman poem. Read it again and again! Read it until you feel it in your bones. Absorb it because this poem is about YOU and all the phenomenal women that surround you!

 

 

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Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size   

But when I start to tell them,

They think I’m telling lies.

I say,

It’s in the reach of my arms,

The span of my hips,   

The stride of my step,   

The curl of my lips.   

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,   

That’s me.

 

I walk into a room

 

Just as cool as you please,   

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.   

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.   

I say,

It’s the fire in my eyes,   

And the flash of my teeth,   

The swing in my waist,   

And the joy in my feet.   

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

 

Phenomenal woman,

 

That’s me.

 

Men themselves have wondered   

 

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can’t touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them,   

They say they still can’t see.   

I say,

It’s in the arch of my back,   

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

 

Now you understand

 

Just why my head’s not bowed.   

I don’t shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.   

When you see me passing,

It ought to make you proud.

I say,

It’s in the click of my heels,   

The bend of my hair,   

the palm of my hand,   

The need for my care.   

’Cause I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

 

 

 

 

 

Defeating the Sorority Stereotype

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Sorority women are traditionally portrayed in the media as vapid, bitchy, catty, and lacking integrity. They also weigh in at 110 pounds with shiny blonde hair, perfect breasts, and a designer wardrobe. Unfortunately, these depictions of sorority women always miss the mark when it comes to what sorority life is really like.

Sororities were created to give women community and purpose on male-dominated campuses. To this day, they remain pillars of strength, purpose, and diversity for women. They are safe spaces for women to explore leadership opportunity, find academic and extracurricular support, and pursue their passions, all while experiencing a social outlet that can often fall through the cracks during a college career.

Joining a sorority means gaining the friendship and support of women across the nation, but more than that, it means finding your future bridesmaids, always having a shoulder to cry on, and having a wide circle of people who will be willing to grab coffee or go on a late-night Taco Bell run with you.

Attacking sorority women based on a heinous stereotype is simply bad feminism. We can’t pretend to champion women’s rights and equality for all while we continue to tear down the women who choose Greek life. For many women, sororities make them feel empowered. The sisterhood gives them purpose.
 

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The beauty of Greek life is that each house offers something different for the variety of people that go through recruitment. Even if Greek life wasn’t the right choice for you, it’s a simple matter of respect. Sorority women are not a stereotype. Please don't treat them like they all fit in one small box, instead embrace the Strength in Sisterhood. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5 reasons to rock the #nomakeup look

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At Sunday Morning View, we celebrate beauty in all its forms, and most importantly, we want to make a statement that women don't need make up to look and feel at their 110%. When shooting our #SundayGirls - our head photographer, and #peachlover Karlo Gomez - asks his muses to remove whatever product they have on their face. I've had the honor to be photographed by him, and I can tell you how much freedom I felt when doing so. It's literally a "F-u" statement to all media that pushes the "you're not enough" message. 

Once you've embraced the whole #nomakeup lifestyle, you'll notice a couple differences. Check them out:

  • Your skin will thank you for this makeup break - you'll slowly recover a natural glow, and will forget about "retouching" your lips every single time you eat. Bonus: You'll be able to kiss your significant other without worrying for leaving him/her looking like a clown

  • You'll have 20-30 extra minutes per day to do you! - You can sleep in, prepare those yummy pancakes in the morning (and finally ditch the cold bagel), read your favorite book, or even spend more time having those imaginary conversations in the bathroom (aren't those the best?)

  • Your friends will notice it - and there it comes the best opportunity to preach about what you stand for. Don't forget to tell them about your free time, and growing savings account. Those are wonderful bullet points to encourage others to join you

  • If you're starting to date someone, they will fall in love with your actual looks - I've read many times that if you want to see how a girl actually looks like, invite her to a pool date (this kind of pisses me off) but here's your opportunity to show your sexy and natural self. Who wouldn't want to spend his/her time with such a gorgeous babe?

  • Forget about a melting look - Those who live in a humid area, know exactly what I'm talking about. Summer is coming, and one of the biggest fears when you're doing your make up is getting the look messed up because of the weather. No makeup? No problem! Make sure you're hydrating your skin properly, and following a healthy diet. That combination will make your face glow!

I started rocking my #nomakeup look a couple of weeks ago because I tried a product that seriously messed up my skin. At the beginning, I was reluctant to go for it but I've given it a try, and I'm seriously considering to go Alicia Keys style for good.

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Have any of you gone #nomakeup? What are your thoughts? Let me know via DM @mariitatorres

With love,

G

 

Thank God for Summer.

Written By: Kathryn Swartout

Sunny skies, green grass, short shorts, and cold drinks. What could be better?

The long, cold New York nights are close to ending, hopefully. Summer is right around the corner and I am beyond ready. My body on the other hand, well, it might not look as ready as I am mentally.

I don’t think I am ready for the daily leg shaving, bikini waxing, those gym nights after a long day of work, or having to watch my weight so I can still look good in my favorite little sundress.

When I was growing up, my mother was very nonchalant about my weight, and let me figure out body maintenance by myself. So, I am now a young adult, in college, free to do what I please. My body seems to think the same way. It decides to shape itself, therefore I find ways to find the shape that best suits me.

As young women, we have been trained by social media presence to stay in the mindset of being ladylike and act small, even though our bodies say otherwise.

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Instead of going with the norm however, maybe as women, we should take charge. We are the ones who own our bodies, no one else.

With this upcoming summer season, ALL women need to stop and embrace their bodies, and show off anything you want to. Let people talk, just know that your body is beautiful and there is no need to be ashamed of the cellulite, stretch marks, or the size that you are, whether it be big or small, wide or thin. Embrace yourself with your own love.

 

 

 

El Anillo Pa'Cuando?!

Written By: RO

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So you like our curves? You like how we can get it up? So where's the ring honey?!  JLo’s new song (El Anillo) is mesmerizing!She gets a little nasty and I love it! She’s right though! Listen we can buy our own damn jewelry. We can have anyone we want. Women are a divine seductive machine and we know we can conquer anyone that crosses our path. If you want us so bad and want us all to yourself, “el anillo pa’cuando?”  If you want us to give you everything then give us that rock. Done. Simple. Mic drop.

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Commitment shows you are in it for the long run. Some say it's just a paper (marriage certificate) so is a driver's license. You promised the DMV to always obey the traffic laws. You know what else is a paper? A college degree. You know those 4 years you devoted yourself to your studies to prepare for your career? Yea, that one.

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R. Kelly says there's nothing wrong with a lil’ bump n’ grind and there ain't nothing wrong about wanting a rock on that finger! Hey, wtf they want you in their life forever exclusively but can't commit to marriage? That “paper" means nothing because they love you? Bull shit. Then why not sign the paper? Clearly that “paper" means somethin’ to them and they aint got the balls to sign it cuz they a lil’ punk ass bitch. So in other words, that's how you know the only ring you are gonna get is on the phone, nah mean?

If you decide to move on...you can make up a new playlist that is the soundtrack of your newly single life. Queen B has a great one for a moment like this “if you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it!” Get your revenge body in check and go out there and take a bite out of the world, and if you're lucky it might just bite you back! (wink, wink) hello summer lovin’!

Xoxo

 

Health and Fitness for Every Size

Written By: Danielle James

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Diet culture has become so toxically ingrained in our everyday lives that we believe visiting the gym five times a week and eating only green leaves will fix all the brokenness inside of us. We believe that our self-worth rests upon our BMI and calories in, calories out.

Health does not have a singular size or shape. You can have rolls and stretch marks and cellulite and still be healthy. You can be thin and still have a score of health problems. The outside world doesn’t know what’s happening inside your body and they aren’t entitled to know. It’s your body, your health, and your happiness.

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From www.sizediversityandhealth.org

Going to the gym, especially if you’re not straight sized, can be uncomfortable, to say the least. The body positive and self-love movements have helped reduce the stigma around fatness, but it can still be hard to get on an elliptical when you feel the judging eyes of gym rats around you. Most of your life, you’re taught that your body doesn’t deserve to be seen in public.

For most fat or plus-sized people, gym freedom seems completely unattainable. Years of fad diets and new waves of fitness classes keep continue to convince us that we will never be whole until we become another “success story.”

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Gym freedom is powerful. It means going to the gym not to fix yourself, but to strengthen yourself. To enhance what you already have. To do what makes you happy and feel good about it. For most fat and plus-sized people, they may never find the freedom that comes from working out because they enjoy it.

Exercise is personal. Health is personal. Nobody gets to have an opinion on your health or wellness but you. Feeling free to do what feels right for your body is a liberating and crucial moment for every single person, regardless of their body type. Health comes in all shapes and sizes and gym and food freedom is all a part of that journey. So go forth and find your freedom. On your terms.

 

 

 

 

“Set your timer, Jada is on!”

Written By: Niya Smith ~ @niyaunique

Will Smith warned us in 2007 that he was a legend. Fast forward 11 years - he has managed to become our favorite “IGer” in a matter of 5 months. He references his profile as his new playground where he has managed to kick some real OG game, motivate and entertain all of IG. Last week, Will undoubtedly surprised us & posted this gem with the caption “I GOT HER ON THE GRAM!!! @jadapinkettsmith.

Our girl Jada is on the gram.

We’ve loved the many roles but most recently I’ve studied her poised demeanor & her evolution as a wife and mother is, hypnotic. Best part? She is documenting it.

She has used this platform to let us in on her latest project with Facebook Watch, Red Table Talk. Jada is sharing the blueprint.

She reveals that this venture “...has been an intense journey towards my healing and my need for more authenticity from within myself.” The show is intended to script this journey and it won’t just feature herself and daughter Willow but also other celebrity guests and family members. The most anticipated guest and I use that term because we don’t see enough of it, will be Will’s ex-wife Sheree Fletcher as they discuss their journey of co-mothering.

The show airs today at 9 AM PST/12 PM EST on Facebook Watch, followed by a live chat with Jada. Setting my timer.


Big Love,

 

Ni.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Boosting Your Bedroom Bad Girl

Written By: Lacy Bundy ~ @lacylouwho

Let’s face it, sex by its very nature requires us to be vulnerable and that can be hard. Like, really hard. But when we are hiding certain body parts or always having to turn off the lights every time we get intimate, it only makes it awkward.

Regardless of your body shape and size, confidence in the bedroom can be challenging and the majority of women, including myself, have grappled with body image that caused sexual inhibition. Numerous studies show a women’s body image is directly linked not only to their sexual satisfaction as a whole, but also arousal levels and ability to achieve the Big O.

We want that hair pulling, sweat dripping sex though, right?
With a few small tweaks, you can give yourself the confidence to be ballsy in the bedroom.

#1 Be with A Partner You’re Comfortable With
The number one thing I hear from my girlfriends (and I agree) is that sex is ALWAYS better when it’s with someone who makes them feel at ease. Intimacy with a partner who makes you feel beautiful and sexy will give you the assurance you need to enjoy the moment and not sweat about that cellulite. P.S. They never noticed the cellulite anyway!

#2 Fake It Till You Make It

Here’s the real tea...you will NOT be attractive to every person in this world, just like you aren’t attracted to every person. But I can guarantee if someone is happily willing to jump in the sack with you, THEY WANT TO BE THERE! There is nothing sexier than a bold woman and when you exude confidence, your partner will notice. Even if you have to fake being a sex goddess, play the part. You can thank me later.

#3 Feel Yourself, Literally

I’m not only talking about feeling yourself like Queen Bey taught us, but also know thyself in a carnal sense. Scary, I know, but nothing will make you fiercer in the bedroom than knowing what you like and helping guide your partner. So whip out those toys and find what makes you really tick.

Ladies, shed that sexual shell, embrace what your mama gave you, get naked and have some fun.

 

Comments Raged after poet speaks mind

@jannerobinson

If you haven’t read Janne Robinson yet, let me introduce you.

She’s a poet, who writes whatever is on her mind about many things - healing, sex, self-love.  One of her most recent posts received so much backlash and some Australian media attention that a blue verification checkmark is now nestled by her Instagram name.

In this post, Robinson asks women “to please stop injecting shit into [their] lips”, to “stop sewing [their] ass to [their] face”.  Full post here

When I read it, my reaction was

But, as is the way of the Internet, not everyone agreed.

Her art did what art is supposed to do - evoke emotion. But that emotion seemed to turn to anger as comments rolled in.

Some said her post was more body shaming than body positivity. Robinson was asked to “check her privilege”, while another advised “Hold your tongue and move along”. One commenter called her rancid.   

There are multiple reasons why each person chooses to have these procedures done, whether medical or cosmetic, as commenters pointed out. It is not anyone’s business what someone else does with their body or money.

One of my friends recently underwent a breast reduction and to see the tangible relief in her body when that excess weight was literally taken off her shoulders, I couldn’t imagine her going back to life before.  

But I agree with Robinson that work needs to be done on the inside as well as the outside.

It encourages me that those who commented seem to have a similar mindset about body modification- Do whatever works for you.

This is essential as no one has an identical body or circumstance. We have to remember our viewpoints are just as different and that is beautiful. We have to keep these conversations away from finger pointing and villainizing. It only hurts the women around us and those who will come next.




 

Why Are Female Friends So Hard to Find?

Written By: Danielle James ~ @danielleeejames

Why is it so difficult to cultivate and maintain genuine female friendships? There are men on every single corner of this earth trying to block us from flourishing and thriving in our hustle, so why do we continue to stand in the way of our sisters?

We’ve become so used to women having only one seat at the table that we’ve forgotten how to watch other women succeed and be genuinely happy for each other. Instead of rejoicing in another woman’s success, we search for ways to outshine them. As another woman makes a crack in the glass ceiling, we should all be strengthened. Instead, we shame our fellow ladies for being confident and self-assured and then wonder why we aren’t being taken seriously in this world.

How do we break the cycle? How do we be genuinely excited for our sisters’ successes, even when we might be struggling to find the light at the end of the tunnel? We have to start by seeing our fellow badass babes as allies, not as competition. Stop undermining another woman’s confidence and ambition in an attempt to elevate your own status. We have to walk proudly beside each other, to support each other no matter what, to love on each other through good times and in bad.

Historically, the odds have been stacked against us, ladies. But it’s the 21st century and time is up. We’ve taken a stand against the men who have treated us as objects for so long. It’s now time to take a stand against the girl-on-girl hate and support our sisters in their hustle, no matter what.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Does age really matter?

First of all, I have to say that it was great seeing that not only women-supporting-women joined the SMV live video, but some guys were also responsive, throwing some good comments out there. On this opportunity many questions popped up to the beautiful ladies in the lounge (some juicy ones, right?!). One of the best was... does the age matter?

It sounds simple, but all of us have been on that moment when we don't know if a relationship will work because some sort of age difference. I'm a love lover, so I've been on both extremes of the equation. One of the most important relationships of my life was with a man who was 10 years older than me. It was bit scandalous, because at the time, I was only 19, and this dude was almost 30. 

When my parents knew about it, they freaked out and said the guy was a creep. I was convinced that it was going to be a life long thing, and was obsessed about our deep conversations, and goals we had in common. Turns out it didn't go as well. The dude was actually a creep, cheated on me.. the sweet result: Guy got pregnant one of his booty calls. I figured it out, and we broke up.

One I also dated someone who was 4 years younger than me. All my friends were calling ME a creep - lol, we sometimes are the judges, and sometimes we're being judged- but in all honesty, I felt just fine. This baby was very mature, and I felt comfortable with our conversations, and points of view. I had to move to a different city, and things didn't work out.

Fast forward to my husband.. we are the same age, we get along, and I could not imagine my life without him. He is the ying to my yang, and even if we are different, we compliment each other.

All of this to come to the same conclusion the girls came up with this past Sunday. Age doesn't really matter when you find someone who shares your life goals, values, and interests. To me, age is really a number! Same thing with weight... will you allow a number dictate your happiness? 

When we find our soulmates, stupid rules imposed by society don't really matter, and finding joy in each other is our priority. If you are older than your other half, well - good times ahead sharing your wisdom and little life tricks. If you are younger than your man... well - It's time to learn and to enjoy being spoiled. 

One piece of advice? Live your life intensely. Remember all we have is now, and good memories last forever. Everyone has their own beauty, their own bright soul in disregards of their age. If you find the right one, don't let him/her go, choose love among it all! 

Warmly,

G

“Books are my shining armor”

They say diamonds are a girl’s best friend. I would have to disagree, because books, besides lasting forever, offer something priceless: the power of imagination.

In a world of constrictions, duties, injustices and violence, a book offers the comfort of being able to be somewhere else for a couple of hours and the chance to experience pain and happiness that do not belong to us. As Fernando Pessoa wrote in «The book of Disquiet» - “Literature is the most agreeable way of ignoring life.”

However, the most popular tales are a disguised warning, that teach people to conform to social norms and helps shape behaviors. The “righteous path” appears as the reward for those who choose it, and the consequences of breaking the rules are catastrophic. Fables and fairytales have a concealed undertone of policing female’s sexuality and educating them to take traditional roles in society. There is a reason to why the prince saves the day and the dame in distress is always helpless while waiting to be saved.

Nevertheless, in modern history we have been able to read uncountable books written about woman. They portrait mothers, daughters, lovers, sisters and sometimes these roles combined. Rarely the hero of their own story, woman in literature often appear as a crutch to male leads and their angst. A trend set no doubt thanks to most writers in the past being men, since the opportunity to have a published book wasn’t possible until recently for woman. In the words of Osterhaus “images of women in literature that are products of a creative process that has a limited perspective”.

The feeling of knowing there is someone else we can be, whose problems are different but relatable is a priority when reading and the importance of being accurately represented in literature has been ignored until the last decades. The realization that books are mirrors of society, and therefore should portrait it fairly came like a breath of fresh air for the literary movement. The possibilities became infinite and genres were created, after the notion that minorities such as women and people of color could create as exquisitely as white men.

New heroes were born; characters had souls and struggles that went beyond the obvious choices that existed so far and social movements gained a voice.

Jane Austen, Virginia wolf and Maya Angelou thrived as they were given the opportunity to publish their thoughts and inspired generations to make their voices heard. They set the path for young girls like me that dreamed of being the hero in their own story and having their work become recognized and awarded. These authors are the proof of why representation matters and why there are so many people fighting for it, so we can all open a book, and for a simple and quiet moment, believe we are there.