Dear Men, What We Need You To Know

Written By: Chantel Rivera ~ @chanty_m

There are numerous aspects that come with the territory of being a woman. Do this, don’t do that. Yes, but you should have done it this way. I have seen so many amazing and confident women be consumed with thoughts of why they are unable to find their “person”. A few have even given up on the idea.


People have told me to tone myself down if I want to find a man, or that I’m just not open enough (sounding familiar?). Even when I have found someone who caught my eye it seemed like there were a few things they couldn’t get past. So, here are three things I would love to tell every man out there who may be struggling with dating a naturally confident, outspoken, and prompt (as one man put it) woman of today.

Our Strength Does Not Equal Your Weakness


Now men, I know with all the social media craze and #metoo movement it may seem, to you, like women are out here trying to villainize all men. Not true. We love ya’ll who do right. Women stating their opinion and speaking truth is not us hating on men. It is literally just us stating our opinion like fellow human beings. Most strong women want a strong partner! We know we can do bad all by ourselves, but just because we can does not mean we all want too. What we want is a teammate. Someone who values our ideas and opinions and wants us to carry the load together. I may just be speaking for myself, but I don’t think any women wants to feel stronger, or like she is doing more, than her man. There is something so attractive when a guy knows the right way to take charge, and handle his business (am I right ladies?). Just know for us ladies who are out here hustling every day, we won’t settle for less from our partners. Treat us like queens, and we’ll make sure you feel like a king.

It May Take Time, Like A Lot


Many of us are fiercely independent due to the fact that we have had to learn, the hard way, not to depend on others. This can happen through; bad relationships, abandonment issues, childhood traumas, the list goes on. Sometimes the strongest and most confident people you know are that way for reasons you may not expect. If we’re investing time into ourselves, our careers, and our dreams, you can believe we are going to invest time in our relationships. Jumping into a relationship head first, throwing all caution to the wind, isn’t exactly a natural inclination. It has taken us a lot of time, tears, and maybe even some therapy to get to where we are today. Putting our hearts in your hands, and giving you the power to either help, heal, or hurt is a vulnerable place to be for anyone. So, forgive us if we don’t jump into your arms prince charming, but you’ve got to fight a few dragons before you get the princess. For the guy who wants to win over the girl who is building her empire, it is going to take more than squinting your eyes and licking your lips. Yeah, I see you, and you are cute. If I am working my tail off to bring something to the table you should be too. Our homes are made of brick and mortar, so if you’re just looking to play house you can build that sand castle with someone else.

We Need You


Yes men, we need you! If this thought is blowing your mind, I am so sorry you ever thought that women empowering women was about not needing men #yoursovainlol. Men really, we do need you and not just in a romantic way. We need you as fathers, as positive role models, as confidants. We need you to be responsible for your actions and with our hearts. Just like it is important for you to feel valued, strong, and respected, we want the same things too. You shouldn’t ever think your woman is too much because if you’re lucky enough to have caught the attention of a phenomenal woman that means she sees something phenomenal in you too. Show up every day and remind her that her strength and beauty don’t intimidate you, but rather inspire you.

With Love,

-Chantel M. Rivera