Things you should know before you date!


Sex and Relationship

When one thinks about sex and relationship, a multitude of things can flood the mind. Today, out of that multitude, we choose relationship readiness as this week’s topic of discourse. Of course, to make sense out of this, let us consider this to mean how physically, psychologically, socially and emotionally ready a person is for a relationship. When are you ready to be in a relationship?


Well, I don’t know. The thing about relationship advice is that most times you are best off taking it firstly from yourself. You spend the most time in these scenarios and you’re competent, so you’ll pick up on most of the signs, right? Of course, life is not that simple. We can’t exclusively lean on our perspective, which is why I’m here.


Psychological Readiness

Describe your current mental state to me. When was your last breakdown? You see, the world doesn’t believe in the actuality of mental health, only in the concept or idea behind it. This is the reason why we often overlook our mental state before we enter into relationship. Ideally, we should all be sat down contemplating our mental health before considering any potential partner, but we were not raised like this. We look at a person’s race, social status, personality compatibility but hardly what do they do for us mentally. A person’s mental status is as important as any of these factors in determining whether or not you’ll go on to have a fulfilling relationship with that person and, as such, it should be treated that way. This person you want to be with so bad, have you seen them during or after a mental breakdown? What’s their mental health history? How often do they break down? How’d this impact them and the people around them?


These are not just questions that I’m asking you now; these are questions I truly believe every person should ask themselves before entering into any sort of relationship. Psychological compatibility is indeed a thing and should never be undervalued.



Here’s What Will Happen if You Never Get Married


Why is it we as girls worry more about being single than guys do?

Or why does it feel like we do?

No one was telling George Clooney to settle down, but yet, they can’t get over Jennifer Aniston being unmarried for so long after her divorce from Brad Pitt?  


I remember running into a friend from elementary school when I was 19 and she made the comment that if she wasn’t married by 21, she had failed.



I understand wanting someone to share your life with, but there are so many more elements to your life, why do we have tunnel vision on this part like it makes or breaks us?

Personally, I’m not scared anymore of being single because I know I’ll catch me. I’ll date and maybe even fall in love, but at the end of the day, I know they will not define me. They are a part of my life; they do not make my life.

I say that, but why suddenly do I feel this way?

My mindset has changed. I’m no longer thinking, “when I get married…” and instead say “if I get married…”  I know many have the mindset that you should date to marry, but am I the only one thinking that just sucks the fun out of everything?  

I’m not going to define my life based on my relationship status and it is definitely no longer on the check-list of my life to lock down a husband.


It is no longer about where the relationship is going to go and making those big life decisions right away. It is about enjoying what is going on in the moment and focusing on what I want in my own life. I don’t want to ask how we can make our lives work together and where we’ll spend Christmas. I just want to go to dinner and enjoy falling for someone and having them in my life, whether that is for two minutes, two days, two months or 30 years.

I am always going to be there, with or without them. I’m not scared of the “what comes after” anymore because I know good day, bad day, crazy day, any day, rain or shine, I’ve got me. I am the one who will motivate me, the one who will take care of me and the one who will pick me up when I get knocked down.


Do you know what will happen if you don’t get married?


You will not die a sad, lonely hermit that doesn’t have a fulfilling life.

Take those expectations and negativity off your shoulders and live!


Start making decisions that focus on you, not who is at the end of the aisle.  



Are you A Slut?


With all the heartache, yearning, and emotional scars and baggage, how could you possibly think about hitting the sheets with someone else? A totally new person to see your naked body with their own quirks you have to figure out?

That sounds more stressful than helpful, right?

But there’s another old saying:


Of course I say this in a joking way, but until you get out there again, you won’t be able to get whoever it is out of your head completely. Maybe you think that was the only person who could make you feel that way; that you could experience sex like that with; that they are the only person you could ever open up to like that.

Let me tell you – they’re not.

Reclaim your inner vixen, the “slut” who sleeps with who she wants, when she wants because it feels good and it sets her free. “Slut” can be the alter ego you use to give yourself  that boost of confidence to flirt with people you wouldn’t normally; let the “slut” within take you on adventures ; new dates with new people, hook ups, relationships, anything.


I guess what I am really saying is be selfish.  

And why shouldn’t you?

We put our hearts through so much suffering when it comes to love and romance and there needs to be a balance on the other side of the scale with truckloads of fun, lust and orgasms.

GIRL…let there be orgasms.

Take the necessary precautions with birth control and go to regular doctor’s appointments. Always, always, always, be honest with new dates and new partners. If something doesn’t feel right with someone, even the tiniest bit, don’t do it; ghost on people if you need to.

And do NOT put expectations on yourself about where these flings are going and where they should be going.

Do whatever works best for you and never let anyone make you feel like what you’re doing to find what works for you is a bad thing.

Now go out and get you some.


When It’s Time, It’s Time


Written By: Kimberly Davis

For some unknown reason, most ‘chick flicks’ revolve around women who are either trying to land the perfect guy, or they’re trying to get over a guy. Some of the guys in these movies are pretty bad boyfriends. So bad it makes you wonder why some of these incredibly strong and independent female characters (much like the women reading this) would waste their time with men who don’t truly value them or respect them.

It can be hard to tell when you should let a relationship go, but if they’re doing any of the following things it’s time to let them go. And just as a side note, if your partner is physically abusing you or verbally belittling you in anyway please get help immediately.

1. Brock Hudson (Matthew Lillard) from She’s All That


I’m all for a partner that has goals and ambitions, that’s great. However, if all you guys ever talk about are their goals and ambitions and not some of yours, then there’s a slight issue. A relationship is supposed to be built off of mutual support and respect. Every conversation can’t be about his latest Real World episode.

2. Billy (Skeet Ulrich) from Scream


If your partner is actually a serial killer, run fast. All jokes aside if your partner is pressuring you to do things you don’t feel ready to do, the way Billy pressures Sidney (Neve Campbell) for sex, let them go.

3. Jim (Michael Anthony Hall) from Edward Scissorhands


Jim constantly picks on people who have disabilities like Edward, and he’s way too controlling. The way your partner treats other people, can sometimes show you how they might treat you.

4. Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) from Twilight


I know, it pains me to add him to this list. Edward’s hot and cold behavior towards Bella in the beginning is enough to confuse any girl. If your partner makes you question how they feel about you all the time, they’re playing with your emotions and that’s never okay.

If your partner is doing anything that doesn’t feel good to you, or if you just aren’t happy with where things are going don’t be afraid to end things. You are deserving of a happy and healthy relationship.


I'm married, I'm not dead


Written By: Gabi Torres


I recently moved to a new city, and you'd be surprised with the amount of people who interacts with me only on the surface level, due to the ring on my finger. Let's be honest, I love my husband, and I'm not about *the hook up life*...but that doesn't mean I'm dead serious, I can’t go out with friends, and I’m not fun anymore!


I have to admit that in the past I've lost interest in potential new friends because they are married (isn't it funny I'm getting now a taste of my own medicine?) Maybe I still don't envision myself as a grown up, married, and working woman.

I guess I won't be able to change the mass perception of *married=boring af* with only one written piece. However, I would like to encourage women out there to be independent, and to not lose yourselves when being in a relationship.

When we are committed to someone, it's common to spend endless hours with him/her, and to devote ourselves completely to our relationship. Sometimes, this excess of love and devotion can isolate us from our family/friends, and affect us negatively in the long term.

Here are a few tips that will help you keep a long term healthy balance between being a great partner, and enjoying your own space:

- Stay true to your beliefs and preferences: when we're getting to know someone, we want to agree on everything, and to be the "perfect match". The downside of this, is that if you are switching preferences/points of view just to agree on something: IT WILL BACKFIRE ON YOU. Respect his/hers beliefs, and make sure she/he does the same. Once you've nailed this - you'll never regret the person you've become in the long term!

- Find a hobby you're passionate about, and invest time on yourself: it doesn't matter if your other half doesn't enjoy it the same way you do. Trust me, you and your partner will *at some point* need time to decompress, to unwind, and to relieve stress far from each other - don't you love doing some yoga by yourself after a long day? Or going dancing with your friends? It’s fine if your significant other doesn't like to do those things! You'll have something fun to talk about afterwards.

- PLEASE, have some friend's time: this is by far the most important bullet point (I mean it for realz). Your friends are the family you get to choose. Don't forget to nourish your relationship with them.. take time to get together, and to talk about silly (or serious) matters. Allow yourself to laugh, and to relax with those who love you for who you are. Make them feel relevant, either they're male or female. Tell them how much you care about them, and don't neglect them because you fear your partner will get jealous. Aren't the best relationships the ones that are based on trust?


Figuring out life is not easy, and learning how to manage situations in order to be happy and at peace with ourselves is a complete journey. Love yourself so hard, that you radiate good vibes. The better you feel about yourself, the better people will feel around you. Hopefully, there'll be a point where everyone will understand that yes! You're married, and NO! You're not dead.

*Combine this piece with a big 🍑 cold coffee for better results! Let's enjoy these sunny summer days, and celebrate the little things in life.

With love,



Nice to meet you, my name is vajayjay!


Written By: Amber Brand


The Don, Hercules, The Rock and Black Mamba, all names that men use when they are talking about their “third leg”. It seems that over 75% of men all around the world have given their little friend a name. And a large 72% chooses to give their special friend a name that evokes power and strength. It is safe to say that men are proud of their privates, but I never hear women talk about their lady parts in the third person. What is up with that?

Little girls are taught at a young age that they should respect their bodies and make sure that they safe themselves for someone special. That sure is a great lesson to tell our kids, but shouldn’t we also tell them that it is completely okay to feel comfortable in your own skin and to own your sexual needs? And as we grow older we should be proud of the fact that we can get so much joy out of being intimate with someone else, instead of being afraid to be called a whore or a slut. We should be proud of our gorgeous bodies, beautiful minds and sexual energies. And maybe that starts by giving our vaginas a name.

Now I’m not talking about ‘Little pink fluffball’ or ‘Bundle of joy’, we should follow the men’s example and come up with something fierce and funky. Something that really stands for the independent, cool, powerful women that we are. Are you not feeling inspired yet? Don’t worry, here’s a little tip from us to make this process even more fun:

Call all your girlfriends, open up a bottle of wine (or tequila, desperate times call for desperate measures) and start brainstorming. This will definitely bring you guys closer and give all of you stomach aches from laughing like crazy. But I bet that at the end of the night you can all go home with the perfect name for your ‘Snake slayer extravaganza’!


All Tinder-ed Out


Written By: Emma Grosskopf


To the left, to the left.

To the left, to the left.

Yes. This is a Beyonce song. That is correct.

But it is also what happens every time I download Tinder.

Which I have done many, many times because I’m apparently addicted to deleting the app. Because I have grown to hate it. So, so much.

I mean, we go on the stupid thing, swipe left on a bunch of guys that are probably perfectly nice, then finally match with a guy who you think has potential (probably because of the REALLY CUTE dog that’s in three of his pictures), and then he messages you, saying “DTF?”

Which, for those of you who aren’t quite as fluent in Tinder Douchebag as yours truly, means “down to frickfrack”.

Frickfrack. You know.

Come on. Don’t make me spell it out.

Tinder is probably really good at hooking up people that are roughly the same age and find each other at least moderately attractive. However, I happen to be opposed to messaging anyone who makes me want to jump out of my window.

So if your idea of a pickup line is an emoji, swipe left.

If you have more than one picture of you holding a fish on your profile, swipe left.

If you can’t figure out the difference between your and you’re, swipe left (for those of you who have never downloaded Tinder, the number of users who can’t seem to comprehend BASIC GRAMMAR is very high indeed).

The only reason that I can POSSIBLY imagine as to why people still use Tinder religiously is because of their need for attention.

Which I totally understand, don’t get me wrong. It’s great to hear people tell you that you’re beautiful. It feels good to be called beautiful in any setting!

But come on, people. We don’t need an app like Tinder to know that we’re beautiful. We can look in the mirror our damn selves and tell ourselves that our bodies are rockin’. That we have great lips. That our rack is phenomenal. We don’t need strangers on a hookup app to tell us that.