How HPV Found Me

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One night, as I was having a quiet evening at home, I received a text from a past sexual partner. As I read the message, my eyes popped out of my head, my jaw fell open, and my heart started racing. 

I re-read it slowly to make sure my mind wasn’t playing tricks on me. 

I had read it correctly. “I am so sorry to tell you this, but you have a right to know. My ex just contacted me to tell me that she tested positive for the Human papillomavirus (HPV). I think it’s a good idea for you to get tested.” 

Uhh, what the actual fuck?

Tears started to fill my eyes. My stomach dropped to my ass, and panic set in.

What does this mean? What if I have an STI? How serious is HPV? Will my sex life be forever impacted? So many thoughts rushed through my head.

I took a few deep breaths, wiped my eyes, and quickly took my ass to a nearby clinic to get a Pap smear - a test that swabs the inside of your cervix to look for the presence of abnormal or pre-cancerous cells, which is essentially what HPV is. 

Long story short, abnormal cells were present, and with more testing, it was discovered that I have low-risk HPV. 

So, what the fuck is HPV? 

HPV is a name for a family of viruses that comes in more than 100 different types and strains. 

Out of these 100 types, around 40 of them can be passed through sexual contact and can potentially cause genital warts and/ or cancers in both men and women.  

HPV is the most common sexually transmitted infection (STI) in the world today. In fact, HPV is more common than all other STI’s combined! About 80% of sexually active people will contract HPV at least once in their life. The most susceptible populations being females ages 15-24.

How does it spread? 

HPV is transmitted through sexual contact, such as: vaginal, oral, and anal sex, as well as genital skin-to-skin contact. 

It can also be transferred from mother to child during childbirth, though this is the least common method of transmission. 

HPV is usually transmitted from person-to-person without anyone being aware of it. This is because HPV is often symptom-free. This poses a big challenge to deciphering where and when the virus was transmitted and contracted.  

How do you detect HPV?

In women, HPV is most commonly diagnosed through a Pap test. It is suggested that if you are 21-69 years of age and sexually active, you should get a Pap every three years.

If you are 70 years of age, or older and your previous 3 Paps were normal, you no longer need to get Paps/ screened for HPV. 

As of now, there are no tests to detect the presence of HPV in men. ...Crazy, I know! - Some healthcare providers offer anal Paps to men who may be at increased risk for anal cancer.

The virus can be diagnosed in men, if and when symptoms start to manifest. 

What health issues can HPV cause?

Low-risk HPV usually goes away on its own before causing any health issues. 

Women under 30 years of age successfully fight off the virus themselves 90% of the time, within one to two years of contraction.

HPV that does not go away on its own can turn into:

  • Cancer — there are at least 15 high-risk, cancer-causing HPV types — Type 16 and 18 are the two most common ones

    • HPV can cause: cervical cancer (most common), genital cancer, cancer of mouth and throat

  • Genital warts - flat or cauliflower-like bumps that are usually painless, may be itchy, and sometimes bleed — they can be found in the groin, genitals, buttocks, and inside the vagina or anus, and are rarely found in the mouth.

  • Recurrent respiratory papillomatosis - a rare condition where warts starts to grow in the respiratory tract, making it difficult to breathe

Picture 1: The Progression of HPV

Picture 1: The Progression of HPV

Treatment

Once contracted, the HPV infection cannot be cured. The physical symptoms it causes, however, (ie: genital warts and pre-cancerous lesions), can usually be treated successfully. 

Prevention 

The best way to prevent against HPV is to not have sexual contact with an infected person. Obvious, right?

Well, since we often don’t know when someone has HPV, the next best option is to get the HPV vaccine (Gardasil®9 being the latest option), which is effective in both men and women and provides protection against seven types of HPV. 

The vaccine is 100% effective in preventing the effects of four kinds of HPV infections that can cause: 

  • Cancer of the cervix, vulva and vagina (HPV types 16 and 18), as well as,

  • Genital and anal warts (HPV types 6 and 11)

The vaccine works best if you get it prior to exposure to the HPV virus, but it can reduce the risk of HPV-related disease at anytime.

Another preventative measure is the use of condoms.  Though they are not 100% effective at preventing the spread of HPV, they have been shown to reduce the chances of transmission. Spermicidal gels and dental damns are also good options to help prevent against the spread of HPV. 

It’s important to note that the use of condoms is not considered a substitute for routine Pap screenings, or for the actual vaccine. 

Reinfection 

Unfortunately, once infected with HPV, you are at greater risk of reinfection and persistent HPV infection.

The risk of infection increases as your number of sexual partners increases, as well as with the more unprotected sex one has. 

People with weakened immune systems are at greater risk of contracting HPV.

Conclusion 

Should I tell my sexual partners that I have HPV?

Well, would you want to know if someone you were fucking had HPV?... I’m guessing yes.

So, though it’s not required by law, I think it’s fair to let potential sexual partners know what the situation is. 

That allows them to have the information that they require to make the smartest decision for themselves. And your honesty also creates a safe space to have conversations that would otherwise likely be uncomfortable. 


Be fair. Be safe. Have fun.

Until next time!


Bibliography

CervixCheck (2019). Retrieved from https://www.cancercare.mb.ca/screening/cervix

HPV. (2019). Retrieved from https://www.sexandu.ca/stis/hpv/

HPV. (2019). Retrieved from http://www.cancer.ca/en/cancer-information/diagnosis-and-treatment/tests-and-procedures/hpv-test/?region=on#ixzz5iNPmI08J

HPV. (2017). Retrieved from https://www.womenshealth.gov/a-z-topics/human-papillomavirus

Pap Tests. (2018). Retrieved from https://choosingwiselycanada.org/pap-tests/

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Vanished without a Trace

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... and then he vanished. Without saying a word. As if the time we spent together over the past 2 months meant nothing to him. …As if the words he’d whispered to me were completely meaningless. 

Welcome to the world of ‘Ghosting’... it fucking sucks!! 

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the concept, ghosting is the cowardly act of ignoring, blocking, and cutting someone who you have an existing (romantic) relationship with out of your life, without a word or explanation. #coward #growapair

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I have been ghosted, as have many of my friends, and I can tell you that it’s frustrating, hurtful, disrespectful, not to mention incredibly offensive. The effects can be emotionally damaging, especially to those with pre-existing self-esteem issues. 

Online dating and apps like tinder and bumble make ghosting and getting away with it very easy to do.  #datingdisaster 

If two people speaking online have yet to exchange phone numbers and personal information, once one of them deletes the match, all communication ceases - you no longer have a way of contacting that individual. 

These apps are ideal for ghosters because they don’t have to worry about getting reprimanded for their obnoxious behaviour. The apps allow them to successfully avoid experiencing any emotional turmoil involved with getting called out for acting like a little bitch. #littlebitch

When the social connection formed is not particularly strong or intimate, there may be fewer social consequences associated with cutting someone out just like that, thus increasing the chance of being ghosted. 

Ghosting bothers the shit out of me for two main reasons: 

  1. I think it’s totally pathetic that a grown ass adult is unable to express themselves truthfully - am I really that intimidating that you fear my reaction? 

  2. Part of the motivation for ghosting is assuming that you (the person being ghosted) can’t handle the truth - that you like them so freaking much,  you’ll be devastated to learn that they aren’t interested. HA! #dontflatteryourself #ivehadbetter

I am a mature and reasonable person - I understand that not everyone will be interested in me romantically, or platonically, just like I won’t be interested in everyone who I meet. Not everyone clicks, and that’s ok. #hesjustnotthatintoyou #notmytype

Rejection is a part of life. Especially dating life.

Is rejection fun? 

No. 

Is it survivable? 

Yes. 

I have had the interesting experience of re-matching with a few people who have ghosted me in the past. I took this as an opportunity to ask questions and get answers as to why they felt that approach was necessary. 

Usually, ghosters don’t have a legitimate reason for behaving the way they do - they likely didn’t have the feels for you, and they were too scared to be straight up, so they took the easy way out; they vanished, without a trace. #vanishedwithoutatrace #houdiniact

Another excuse I have come across is that they started seeing someone else, and didn’t know how to share that information.

Lastly, the excuse that manipulators love to use - “I liked you so much, my feelings got the best of me - I don’t usually feel so strongly about someone and I was scared of getting ‘too close.’” — Uhhh, can you say bullshit? #liarliar #bullshit #dontwastemytime

Let’s be real... all excuses you could possibly give for ghosting are pretty pathetic. They’re lame attempts at saving face and at validating poor behaviour. 

To cut someone out of your life and not give a simple explanation - “hey, I’m not feeling it, tootles!” - is disrespectful, plain and simple. #sorude #anotheronebitesthedust 

Below, I have given a couple examples of ways to kindly reject someone. 

Photo by:   @aliasinkk

Photo by: @aliasinkk

The next time you get the urge to be a dick and ghost someone, and you feel like you don’t ‘owe’ anyone an explanation, I invite you to try challenging yourself and that thought; is it possible to try owning and admitting the truth, regardless of how awkward it may be for you? I’m pretty certain that most will appreciate the honesty. #dontbeadick #youcandoit

Kind Rejections: 

  • “Hey - I’ve had a lot of fun talking to you and hanging out together, but I have to be honest and say that I don’t feel the romantic connection that I’m ideally looking for. I hope you understand. I’m definitely open to maintaining a friendship if you have any interest.” 

  • “Hey (insert name here)! I think you’re a great person and I’ve enjoyed getting to know you. Unfortunately, I don’t really feel an emotional connection between us, and that’s what I’m hoping to find at this point in my life. I wish you the best and hope you understand.” 

Feel free to change the above examples. Say what feels right for you. The point is to be authentic and honest, in a gentle manner. 

Dating is hard. Don’t make it harder by being an asshole. 

Every person deserves respect - Let’s give honesty a shot. #honestyisthebestpolicy 

Does that sound like an approach that’s do-able for you? Or, would you rather continue to ghost? – Let me know!! I’d love to know your opinions.

Thanks for stopping by!

Until next time, 

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Rubbing One Out : We All Do It

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Growing up, I loved watching romantic comedies with people making out and doing sexual things. I would close my eyes and imagine that I was the woman in the movie, being passionately kissed.

I honestly couldn’t wait to be a ‘grown-up’ so that I could kiss and hump people. ... I had ‘sexy thoughts’ from a pretty young age. Did you? (#horndogalert, #vaginatingles).

I was around 13 years old when I had my first experience masturbating. I become a pro quickly!

1 Masturbation(2018). Retrieved from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/masturbation

For a long time, I kept the fact that I masturbated on the down low. I felt like it was something that shouldn’t be spoken about with others, like it was a taboo topic that made others uncomfortable, but I never understood why.

From my perspective both then, and now, masturbation is a completely healthy and natural expression of sexuality. There is nothing wrong with doing it. Hell, many people are regular masturbators, or have at least tried it. Whether single, partnered, gay, straight, genderqueer, trans, a baby boomer or centennial, white, purple, black, or green, masturbation doesn’t discriminate.

Research consistently shows than approximately 95% of men, and 60-80% of women masturbate. * I struggled to find more inclusive statistics – If you have access to data on masturbation and the LGBTQ+ community, please reach out.

I encourage you to use masturbation as a tool to explore your body, needs, your likes and dislikes, and even to help you learn how to reach climax, all by yourself. Not needing to rely on another person for such intense pleasure is fucking awesome and empowering. (#allbymyself).

In fact, learning what you like on your own can help make sex with a partner that much better, as you can then help direct their actions to achieve maximum pleasure. ... multiple orgasms, anyone?

Self-exploration, discovery, and pleasure are awesome benefits of masturbating, but that’s not all. Masturbating comes with quite a few positives - mental, physical, and spiritual.

Below are some of the benefits of masturbating:

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• Reduces pain and menstrual cramps

• Increases immune function

• Increases sex drive

• Improves sleep/ reduces insomnia

• Reduces stress and depression, and provides a sense of calm

• Increases mood

• Balances emotions

• Regulates heart rate, increases blood flow, and helps reverse heart disease

• Improves focus and memory

• Improves self-esteem and body image

2 Masturbation (2018). Retrieved from https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sex-and- relationships/masturbation

Many people experience embarrassment, anxiety, guilt, and shame around masturbation and therefore aren’t comfortable talking about it, even with their closest friends. We have been taught

that masturbating is ‘dirty’, ‘wrong’, and ‘sinful’, and as a result, we are very hush-hush around the topic as a society in general. The negative stigma around masturbation is incredibly limiting to both our knowledge and expression of sexuality. (#bethechange, #proudmasturbator).

I’ve lost count of how many times I have seen parents smack their child’s hand away when they were playing with their genitals, saying, “that’s dirty!”. I can promise that kind of response isn’t going to foster the development of healthy sexuality in anyone. And, NO, it’s not dirty. It’s completely natural and it is important to explain this to children, along with the fact that this activity is usually done in private, or with people you feel safe and trusting of.

There are also some ridiculous myths associated with masturbation that genuinely frighten some people. Ready for these? ...

Myths: Masturbation:

- will cause cancer - means you’re a pervert - causes your penis to shrink - causes you to go blind - causes acne - makes you sterile

ATTENTION: NONE OF THE ABOVE MYTHS ARE TRUE. There is absolutely no scientific support for these myths.3

I said it above and I’ll say it again: masturbation is completely natural. And healthy. And most of us do it. You are not alone!

You might be wondering, is there such thing as masturbating too much? I am happy to report that physically, there are no negative side effects of excess masturbation.4

However, if your need to masturbate is interfering with your daily life and responsibilities (e.g., if you find yourself grinding up on the side of your chair or needing multiple masturbation- breaks throughout the work day) it wouldn’t hurt to speak to a professional. There’s no shame in asking for help.

I’ll finish by saying that I truly see masturbation as a gift. One that allows us to celebrate ourselves. To be sexually independent. To relax and feel good. To connect to our bodies. And to explore and discover ourselves. Masturbating encourages a deeper connection between partners when we are able to express what we like physically and sexually. This communication also reduces some of the negative influences and stigmas of sex that may have limited us, and our sexual expression throughout history.

3 What Are Some Myths about Masturbation (2018). Retrieved from https://www.verywellmind.com/myths-about- masturbation-2300804

4 Masturbation (2019). Retrieved from https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/masturbation

Masturbation is not only fun, but it is a powerful tool for self-care.

Practice makes perfect!

Thanks for tuning in,

- Talya

@talking.with.talya 

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Casually Getting Your Needs Met

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Imagine this: it’s Saturday night.

You’re single, home alone, and horny as fuck.

What do you do?

 I bet the first thing that came into many of your minds is masturbate! ... Why not, right? 

Well, while I do love a good masturbation session, there’s not much I like more than getting fucked by someone else;

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Someone that I am incredibly attracted to, who I can express my needs to, who can reach spots that are physically impossible for me to access,

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and someone who I can kick out once both of our needs have been satisfied... respectfully, of course. 

These are just some of the benefits of hooking up! 

Hooking up often gets a bad rap. And while I definitely understand why - it’s often dominated by males and their needs, women’s satisfaction is largely not a concern, many feel pressured to do things that they don’t feel comfortable doing, etc. - it can also be an incredibly empowering experience. 

Sex is a healthy and natural part of life. We are sexual beings. And we all have sexual needs that we want satisfied... even those of us without (consistent) partners. 

I think it’s unreasonable, unfair, and simply stupid, to expect people to abstain from sex because they aren’t in a meaningful relationship. I call bullshit on that! ...It’s definitely not a norm that I subscribe to.

I have always been a sexual person; Someone in touch with my wants and needs. I have also always been a people pleaser. Together, these make for a risky combination, as I have found myself doing things that I didn’t really want to be doing, for the sake of being liked and leaving a good impression. 

After many unsatisfactory hook ups, where my needs were definitely not addressed, I eventually realized that these fools I was hooking up with had just as much obligation to satisfy me, as I did them. And that I also deserve to be pleasured and satisfied. 

 When people hook up, which I take to mean anything beyond making out, the idea is that all parties get their needs met and walk away satisfied. All parties! That includes you, babe. 

 Realizing that I had every right to stand up for myself and challenge the norms of hook up culture was a powerful experience. 

 Believing and trusting in myself to speak up, claim my power, and to ask for exactly what I wanted was something I hadn’t experienced before. It was freeing... Empowering.  It was like I was breaking the societal chains that were keeping me living in a world of “should’s” and “supposed to’s.” A world of limitations. 

This helped me see that I didn’t owe anyone shit, and that if I wasn’t feeling it, for whatever reason, I was going to pick my flat ass up and walk out. No guilt. No shame. I didn’t need to dishonour myself in order to get the approval of a casual hook up. 

Follow your intuition, and do what is best for you. Again, you don’t owe anyone anything. 

So, how do you hook up in a way that empowers you? 

My suggestion? Radical honesty, always. And especially when your body, your comfort, your safety, and sexual activity are involved.

An empowering hook up revolves around setting and enforcing boundaries, and being vocal. I believe the following are crucial aspects of an empowering hook up:

  • feeling safe and respected by your partner(s),

  • to practice safe sex *see below*,

  • all parties be upfront and honest about their intentions,

  • to feel comfortable expressing your needs, wants, and desires,

  • to be willing to guide and correct their technique to match your preferences, and

  • to be prepared to use your voice to give feedback and to say no, stop, I don’t like that, please leave, etc. 

*Practicing safe sex is always a good idea, and is especially important when hooking up with people you don’t know very well. 

Safe sex can include many things. Some important aspects to consider are: 

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  • Getting tested for STI’s regularly,

  • Using birth control, especially condoms, as they are the only form of birth control that protect against STI’s.

  • Using dental dams during oral sex,

  • Hooking up when sober and not under the influence of anything that may impair judgement,

  • If meeting someone for the first time, meet in public and always tell a friend if and where you are going to be intimidate, as well as much of your dates information as you have. 

I understand that not everyone shares my views on hooking up, and that’s totally understandable. I know that for many, sex is something sacred and to be shared with special partners only, and I respect that. 

 My intention was not to convince you to change your ways, but rather to spread awareness in hopes of educating and encouraging a willingness to learn about things we aren’t as familiar with. As well as be more accepting and less judgemental when it comes to people’s personal choices. 

Everyone has needs, and there is nothing wrong with getting them satisfied, as long as you are safe, and everyone involved is on the same page.

I would love to hear your opinions, feedback, and personal experiences if you are comfortable

sharing - Reach out on Instagram at @talking.with.talya ♥️

 

Until next time, babes! 

 Xoxo

- Talya 



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Am I physically ready for a relationship?

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Physical Readiness

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Are you in shape? When I ask this, I ask not for people’s opinion of what your body should be, but how you ideally picture yourself in your head. When you open your eyes and stop dreaming about how stunning you’ll look in your next IG pic after you finally start going to the gym, what do you see? When you look in the mirror do you see the person you want to be? And, if not, are you working to become that person? And no, “I’m working on it” doesn’t constitute an acceptable answer. You need to have a systematic plan in place. This doesn’t require an obscenely detailed scheduled that must be followed to the tee, but it must at least be step by step process to better yourself.

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No matter your opinion, physical attraction is a major part of most relationships and the most important part of this is not how attractive your partner finds you, but how attractive you find yourself. No matter what a man says to you about your body, unless you’re comfortable with it, it won’t matter. Compliments do of course

help, however, until you’re at home in your own skin they won’t illuminate you in the way they should. Why? This is due to the incongruity of the praise and the ideal self image rooted in your psyche. We want to believe the lovely things people say about us but, until we believe it ourselves, we’ll always question the legitimacy of those claims. Until next time keep Queening !

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3 benefits of high-quality sex

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**Please be advised this article is not censored😁**

Can you go another round? Yes, yes you can and I’ll tell you why. Because you truly understand that sex is about a mutual maximization of pleasure. You understand that it is not simply a game of cumming and then leaving. You understand that, until your partner is satisfied you must keep going if possible. If you must stop, you understand that it is then your responsibility to make up for it in the next lovemaking session.

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Alright, now that you understand your role, I need you to understand why it's so pivotal. There are many benefits to having regular, quality sex; emphasis on quality. These include, but are not limited to, happiness, improved self-image, and even cardiac benefits. If you're receiving consistent quality dick or pussy, it is only natural that you will feel better about the world and your place in it. During sex, oxytocin

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and vasopressin are released and women are particularly susceptible to the effects of oxytocin. Oxytocin acts as an emotional glue to make you even more attracted to your partner (vasopressin works in a similar way for males).

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Sex, of course, also improves your self-image. For me, there are two primary things to mention. Being inside a woman is an incredible feeling and every time I have sex, I appreciate this to the fullest. This intimate sharing of bodies boosts my sense of worth. If such an amazing woman is sharing herself with me, then I must be valuable. Also, at times, I catch myself in the mirror during sex and I’m amazed at how toned some of my muscles really are, and that surely boosts my confidence and even my strokes.

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Lastly, sex helps your heart. Sexual activity is linked with lower systolic blood pressure. This reduces your chances of suffering from heart disease. Furthermore, sex helps to dilate the blood vessels, resulting in an increased delivery rate of oxygen and nutrients around the body. Go out and have some quality sex today, it could save your life!

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Things you should know before you date!

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Sex and Relationship

When one thinks about sex and relationship, a multitude of things can flood the mind. Today, out of that multitude, we choose relationship readiness as this week’s topic of discourse. Of course, to make sense out of this, let us consider this to mean how physically, psychologically, socially and emotionally ready a person is for a relationship. When are you ready to be in a relationship?

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Well, I don’t know. The thing about relationship advice is that most times you are best off taking it firstly from yourself. You spend the most time in these scenarios and you’re competent, so you’ll pick up on most of the signs, right? Of course, life is not that simple. We can’t exclusively lean on our perspective, which is why I’m here.

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Psychological Readiness

Describe your current mental state to me. When was your last breakdown? You see, the world doesn’t believe in the actuality of mental health, only in the concept or idea behind it. This is the reason why we often overlook our mental state before we enter into relationship. Ideally, we should all be sat down contemplating our mental health before considering any potential partner, but we were not raised like this. We look at a person’s race, social status, personality compatibility but hardly what do they do for us mentally. A person’s mental status is as important as any of these factors in determining whether or not you’ll go on to have a fulfilling relationship with that person and, as such, it should be treated that way. This person you want to be with so bad, have you seen them during or after a mental breakdown? What’s their mental health history? How often do they break down? How’d this impact them and the people around them?

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These are not just questions that I’m asking you now; these are questions I truly believe every person should ask themselves before entering into any sort of relationship. Psychological compatibility is indeed a thing and should never be undervalued.

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Here’s What Will Happen if You Never Get Married

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Why is it we as girls worry more about being single than guys do?

Or why does it feel like we do?

No one was telling George Clooney to settle down, but yet, they can’t get over Jennifer Aniston being unmarried for so long after her divorce from Brad Pitt?  

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I remember running into a friend from elementary school when I was 19 and she made the comment that if she wasn’t married by 21, she had failed.

Failed.

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I understand wanting someone to share your life with, but there are so many more elements to your life, why do we have tunnel vision on this part like it makes or breaks us?

Personally, I’m not scared anymore of being single because I know I’ll catch me. I’ll date and maybe even fall in love, but at the end of the day, I know they will not define me. They are a part of my life; they do not make my life.

I say that, but why suddenly do I feel this way?

My mindset has changed. I’m no longer thinking, “when I get married…” and instead say “if I get married…”  I know many have the mindset that you should date to marry, but am I the only one thinking that just sucks the fun out of everything?  

I’m not going to define my life based on my relationship status and it is definitely no longer on the check-list of my life to lock down a husband.

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It is no longer about where the relationship is going to go and making those big life decisions right away. It is about enjoying what is going on in the moment and focusing on what I want in my own life. I don’t want to ask how we can make our lives work together and where we’ll spend Christmas. I just want to go to dinner and enjoy falling for someone and having them in my life, whether that is for two minutes, two days, two months or 30 years.

I am always going to be there, with or without them. I’m not scared of the “what comes after” anymore because I know good day, bad day, crazy day, any day, rain or shine, I’ve got me. I am the one who will motivate me, the one who will take care of me and the one who will pick me up when I get knocked down.

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Do you know what will happen if you don’t get married?

Nothing.

You will not die a sad, lonely hermit that doesn’t have a fulfilling life.

Take those expectations and negativity off your shoulders and live!

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Start making decisions that focus on you, not who is at the end of the aisle.  

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Are you A Slut?

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With all the heartache, yearning, and emotional scars and baggage, how could you possibly think about hitting the sheets with someone else? A totally new person to see your naked body with their own quirks you have to figure out?

That sounds more stressful than helpful, right?

But there’s another old saying:

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Of course I say this in a joking way, but until you get out there again, you won’t be able to get whoever it is out of your head completely. Maybe you think that was the only person who could make you feel that way; that you could experience sex like that with; that they are the only person you could ever open up to like that.

Let me tell you – they’re not.

Reclaim your inner vixen, the “slut” who sleeps with who she wants, when she wants because it feels good and it sets her free. “Slut” can be the alter ego you use to give yourself  that boost of confidence to flirt with people you wouldn’t normally; let the “slut” within take you on adventures ; new dates with new people, hook ups, relationships, anything.

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I guess what I am really saying is be selfish.  

And why shouldn’t you?

We put our hearts through so much suffering when it comes to love and romance and there needs to be a balance on the other side of the scale with truckloads of fun, lust and orgasms.

GIRL…let there be orgasms.

Take the necessary precautions with birth control and go to regular doctor’s appointments. Always, always, always, be honest with new dates and new partners. If something doesn’t feel right with someone, even the tiniest bit, don’t do it; ghost on people if you need to.

And do NOT put expectations on yourself about where these flings are going and where they should be going.

Do whatever works best for you and never let anyone make you feel like what you’re doing to find what works for you is a bad thing.

Now go out and get you some.

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When It’s Time, It’s Time

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Written By: Kimberly Davis

For some unknown reason, most ‘chick flicks’ revolve around women who are either trying to land the perfect guy, or they’re trying to get over a guy. Some of the guys in these movies are pretty bad boyfriends. So bad it makes you wonder why some of these incredibly strong and independent female characters (much like the women reading this) would waste their time with men who don’t truly value them or respect them.

It can be hard to tell when you should let a relationship go, but if they’re doing any of the following things it’s time to let them go. And just as a side note, if your partner is physically abusing you or verbally belittling you in anyway please get help immediately.

1. Brock Hudson (Matthew Lillard) from She’s All That

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I’m all for a partner that has goals and ambitions, that’s great. However, if all you guys ever talk about are their goals and ambitions and not some of yours, then there’s a slight issue. A relationship is supposed to be built off of mutual support and respect. Every conversation can’t be about his latest Real World episode.

2. Billy (Skeet Ulrich) from Scream

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If your partner is actually a serial killer, run fast. All jokes aside if your partner is pressuring you to do things you don’t feel ready to do, the way Billy pressures Sidney (Neve Campbell) for sex, let them go.

3. Jim (Michael Anthony Hall) from Edward Scissorhands

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Jim constantly picks on people who have disabilities like Edward, and he’s way too controlling. The way your partner treats other people, can sometimes show you how they might treat you.

4. Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) from Twilight

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I know, it pains me to add him to this list. Edward’s hot and cold behavior towards Bella in the beginning is enough to confuse any girl. If your partner makes you question how they feel about you all the time, they’re playing with your emotions and that’s never okay.

If your partner is doing anything that doesn’t feel good to you, or if you just aren’t happy with where things are going don’t be afraid to end things. You are deserving of a happy and healthy relationship.


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I'm married, I'm not dead

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Written By: Gabi Torres

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I recently moved to a new city, and you'd be surprised with the amount of people who interacts with me only on the surface level, due to the ring on my finger. Let's be honest, I love my husband, and I'm not about *the hook up life*...but that doesn't mean I'm dead serious, I can’t go out with friends, and I’m not fun anymore!

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I have to admit that in the past I've lost interest in potential new friends because they are married (isn't it funny I'm getting now a taste of my own medicine?) Maybe I still don't envision myself as a grown up, married, and working woman.

I guess I won't be able to change the mass perception of *married=boring af* with only one written piece. However, I would like to encourage women out there to be independent, and to not lose yourselves when being in a relationship.

When we are committed to someone, it's common to spend endless hours with him/her, and to devote ourselves completely to our relationship. Sometimes, this excess of love and devotion can isolate us from our family/friends, and affect us negatively in the long term.

Here are a few tips that will help you keep a long term healthy balance between being a great partner, and enjoying your own space:

- Stay true to your beliefs and preferences: when we're getting to know someone, we want to agree on everything, and to be the "perfect match". The downside of this, is that if you are switching preferences/points of view just to agree on something: IT WILL BACKFIRE ON YOU. Respect his/hers beliefs, and make sure she/he does the same. Once you've nailed this - you'll never regret the person you've become in the long term!

- Find a hobby you're passionate about, and invest time on yourself: it doesn't matter if your other half doesn't enjoy it the same way you do. Trust me, you and your partner will *at some point* need time to decompress, to unwind, and to relieve stress far from each other - don't you love doing some yoga by yourself after a long day? Or going dancing with your friends? It’s fine if your significant other doesn't like to do those things! You'll have something fun to talk about afterwards.

- PLEASE, have some friend's time: this is by far the most important bullet point (I mean it for realz). Your friends are the family you get to choose. Don't forget to nourish your relationship with them.. take time to get together, and to talk about silly (or serious) matters. Allow yourself to laugh, and to relax with those who love you for who you are. Make them feel relevant, either they're male or female. Tell them how much you care about them, and don't neglect them because you fear your partner will get jealous. Aren't the best relationships the ones that are based on trust?

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Figuring out life is not easy, and learning how to manage situations in order to be happy and at peace with ourselves is a complete journey. Love yourself so hard, that you radiate good vibes. The better you feel about yourself, the better people will feel around you. Hopefully, there'll be a point where everyone will understand that yes! You're married, and NO! You're not dead.

*Combine this piece with a big 🍑 cold coffee for better results! Let's enjoy these sunny summer days, and celebrate the little things in life.

With love,

G


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Nice to meet you, my name is vajayjay!

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Written By: Amber Brand

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The Don, Hercules, The Rock and Black Mamba, all names that men use when they are talking about their “third leg”. It seems that over 75% of men all around the world have given their little friend a name. And a large 72% chooses to give their special friend a name that evokes power and strength. It is safe to say that men are proud of their privates, but I never hear women talk about their lady parts in the third person. What is up with that?

Little girls are taught at a young age that they should respect their bodies and make sure that they safe themselves for someone special. That sure is a great lesson to tell our kids, but shouldn’t we also tell them that it is completely okay to feel comfortable in your own skin and to own your sexual needs? And as we grow older we should be proud of the fact that we can get so much joy out of being intimate with someone else, instead of being afraid to be called a whore or a slut. We should be proud of our gorgeous bodies, beautiful minds and sexual energies. And maybe that starts by giving our vaginas a name.

Now I’m not talking about ‘Little pink fluffball’ or ‘Bundle of joy’, we should follow the men’s example and come up with something fierce and funky. Something that really stands for the independent, cool, powerful women that we are. Are you not feeling inspired yet? Don’t worry, here’s a little tip from us to make this process even more fun:

Call all your girlfriends, open up a bottle of wine (or tequila, desperate times call for desperate measures) and start brainstorming. This will definitely bring you guys closer and give all of you stomach aches from laughing like crazy. But I bet that at the end of the night you can all go home with the perfect name for your ‘Snake slayer extravaganza’!


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All Tinder-ed Out

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Written By: Emma Grosskopf

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To the left, to the left.

To the left, to the left.

Yes. This is a Beyonce song. That is correct.

But it is also what happens every time I download Tinder.

Which I have done many, many times because I’m apparently addicted to deleting the app. Because I have grown to hate it. So, so much.

I mean, we go on the stupid thing, swipe left on a bunch of guys that are probably perfectly nice, then finally match with a guy who you think has potential (probably because of the REALLY CUTE dog that’s in three of his pictures), and then he messages you, saying “DTF?”

Which, for those of you who aren’t quite as fluent in Tinder Douchebag as yours truly, means “down to frickfrack”.

Frickfrack. You know.

Come on. Don’t make me spell it out.

Tinder is probably really good at hooking up people that are roughly the same age and find each other at least moderately attractive. However, I happen to be opposed to messaging anyone who makes me want to jump out of my window.

So if your idea of a pickup line is an emoji, swipe left.

If you have more than one picture of you holding a fish on your profile, swipe left.

If you can’t figure out the difference between your and you’re, swipe left (for those of you who have never downloaded Tinder, the number of users who can’t seem to comprehend BASIC GRAMMAR is very high indeed).

The only reason that I can POSSIBLY imagine as to why people still use Tinder religiously is because of their need for attention.

Which I totally understand, don’t get me wrong. It’s great to hear people tell you that you’re beautiful. It feels good to be called beautiful in any setting!

But come on, people. We don’t need an app like Tinder to know that we’re beautiful. We can look in the mirror our damn selves and tell ourselves that our bodies are rockin’. That we have great lips. That our rack is phenomenal. We don’t need strangers on a hookup app to tell us that.


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