All Tinder-ed Out

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Written By: Emma Grosskopf

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To the left, to the left.

To the left, to the left.

Yes. This is a Beyonce song. That is correct.

But it is also what happens every time I download Tinder.

Which I have done many, many times because I’m apparently addicted to deleting the app. Because I have grown to hate it. So, so much.

I mean, we go on the stupid thing, swipe left on a bunch of guys that are probably perfectly nice, then finally match with a guy who you think has potential (probably because of the REALLY CUTE dog that’s in three of his pictures), and then he messages you, saying “DTF?”

Which, for those of you who aren’t quite as fluent in Tinder Douchebag as yours truly, means “down to frickfrack”.

Frickfrack. You know.

Come on. Don’t make me spell it out.

Tinder is probably really good at hooking up people that are roughly the same age and find each other at least moderately attractive. However, I happen to be opposed to messaging anyone who makes me want to jump out of my window.

So if your idea of a pickup line is an emoji, swipe left.

If you have more than one picture of you holding a fish on your profile, swipe left.

If you can’t figure out the difference between your and you’re, swipe left (for those of you who have never downloaded Tinder, the number of users who can’t seem to comprehend BASIC GRAMMAR is very high indeed).

The only reason that I can POSSIBLY imagine as to why people still use Tinder religiously is because of their need for attention.

Which I totally understand, don’t get me wrong. It’s great to hear people tell you that you’re beautiful. It feels good to be called beautiful in any setting!

But come on, people. We don’t need an app like Tinder to know that we’re beautiful. We can look in the mirror our damn selves and tell ourselves that our bodies are rockin’. That we have great lips. That our rack is phenomenal. We don’t need strangers on a hookup app to tell us that.


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