Vanished without a Trace

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... and then he vanished. Without saying a word. As if the time we spent together over the past 2 months meant nothing to him. …As if the words he’d whispered to me were completely meaningless. 

Welcome to the world of ‘Ghosting’... it fucking sucks!! 

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the concept, ghosting is the cowardly act of ignoring, blocking, and cutting someone who you have an existing (romantic) relationship with out of your life, without a word or explanation. #coward #growapair

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I have been ghosted, as have many of my friends, and I can tell you that it’s frustrating, hurtful, disrespectful, not to mention incredibly offensive. The effects can be emotionally damaging, especially to those with pre-existing self-esteem issues. 

Online dating and apps like tinder and bumble make ghosting and getting away with it very easy to do.  #datingdisaster 

If two people speaking online have yet to exchange phone numbers and personal information, once one of them deletes the match, all communication ceases - you no longer have a way of contacting that individual. 

These apps are ideal for ghosters because they don’t have to worry about getting reprimanded for their obnoxious behaviour. The apps allow them to successfully avoid experiencing any emotional turmoil involved with getting called out for acting like a little bitch. #littlebitch

When the social connection formed is not particularly strong or intimate, there may be fewer social consequences associated with cutting someone out just like that, thus increasing the chance of being ghosted. 

Ghosting bothers the shit out of me for two main reasons: 

  1. I think it’s totally pathetic that a grown ass adult is unable to express themselves truthfully - am I really that intimidating that you fear my reaction? 

  2. Part of the motivation for ghosting is assuming that you (the person being ghosted) can’t handle the truth - that you like them so freaking much,  you’ll be devastated to learn that they aren’t interested. HA! #dontflatteryourself #ivehadbetter

I am a mature and reasonable person - I understand that not everyone will be interested in me romantically, or platonically, just like I won’t be interested in everyone who I meet. Not everyone clicks, and that’s ok. #hesjustnotthatintoyou #notmytype

Rejection is a part of life. Especially dating life.

Is rejection fun? 

No. 

Is it survivable? 

Yes. 

I have had the interesting experience of re-matching with a few people who have ghosted me in the past. I took this as an opportunity to ask questions and get answers as to why they felt that approach was necessary. 

Usually, ghosters don’t have a legitimate reason for behaving the way they do - they likely didn’t have the feels for you, and they were too scared to be straight up, so they took the easy way out; they vanished, without a trace. #vanishedwithoutatrace #houdiniact

Another excuse I have come across is that they started seeing someone else, and didn’t know how to share that information.

Lastly, the excuse that manipulators love to use - “I liked you so much, my feelings got the best of me - I don’t usually feel so strongly about someone and I was scared of getting ‘too close.’” — Uhhh, can you say bullshit? #liarliar #bullshit #dontwastemytime

Let’s be real... all excuses you could possibly give for ghosting are pretty pathetic. They’re lame attempts at saving face and at validating poor behaviour. 

To cut someone out of your life and not give a simple explanation - “hey, I’m not feeling it, tootles!” - is disrespectful, plain and simple. #sorude #anotheronebitesthedust 

Below, I have given a couple examples of ways to kindly reject someone. 

Photo by:   @aliasinkk

Photo by: @aliasinkk

The next time you get the urge to be a dick and ghost someone, and you feel like you don’t ‘owe’ anyone an explanation, I invite you to try challenging yourself and that thought; is it possible to try owning and admitting the truth, regardless of how awkward it may be for you? I’m pretty certain that most will appreciate the honesty. #dontbeadick #youcandoit

Kind Rejections: 

  • “Hey - I’ve had a lot of fun talking to you and hanging out together, but I have to be honest and say that I don’t feel the romantic connection that I’m ideally looking for. I hope you understand. I’m definitely open to maintaining a friendship if you have any interest.” 

  • “Hey (insert name here)! I think you’re a great person and I’ve enjoyed getting to know you. Unfortunately, I don’t really feel an emotional connection between us, and that’s what I’m hoping to find at this point in my life. I wish you the best and hope you understand.” 

Feel free to change the above examples. Say what feels right for you. The point is to be authentic and honest, in a gentle manner. 

Dating is hard. Don’t make it harder by being an asshole. 

Every person deserves respect - Let’s give honesty a shot. #honestyisthebestpolicy 

Does that sound like an approach that’s do-able for you? Or, would you rather continue to ghost? – Let me know!! I’d love to know your opinions.

Thanks for stopping by!

Until next time, 

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