When being in your twenties feels like a freaking rollercoaster

I can even hear myself talking to my girlfriends in High School. ‘ By the time I am 25 I will definitely have my life together.’ GIRL PLEASE! I don’t know what I was thinking. I am turning 25 this February and even the Dutch climate is steadier than I am at this point in my life. And if even the mid-twenties memes start to relate it is time to spill it. Am I going bonkers?

For example: one of my first articles for SMV was about me not thinking about having kids anytime soon. Well guess what, I’m having all the motherly feels at the moment. My best friend is pregnant and since the moment she told me I have been seeing those tiny little buggermonsters everywhere. And the craziest part of it all is that I can’t stop imagining what it would be like to have a little mini-me running around the house. But then I start thinking about the responsibilities and the large amount of money it costs to raise a kid. And I convince myself that I’m not ready for that and buy myself another Chanel lipstick like the responsible adult that I am.

But it’s not only these kind of major things that I get conflicted about. Even when it comes to simple things like my personal style I have not quite found myself yet. I recently did a ginormous closet clear out and realised something. I had so much stuff because one day I feel like wearing dresses with fluffy cardigans, and the next day I look like Mick Jagger and Ozzy Osbourne’s lovechild. Maybe my wardrobe is a visual example of how much I am looking for my true self.

Being in your mid-twenties is freaking difficult. On one side I want to be a responsible adult with a great job, black suit and wear red lipstick all day. But on the other side I want to dress my dog in matching hoodies and watch my entire Disney collection while eating chocolate with Santa’s face painted on it. I’ve decided to cherish both sides of me and patiently wait until I’m 30. Because then I will definitely have my life together..