Body Hair Scares

I really find that I identify with Chewbacca. We’re both tall, we’re both very loud, and we’re both best friends with Han Solo. 

And we’re both hairy.

Very hairy.

I don’t particularly want to regale you with horror stories about failed self-waxing attempts, prickly armpits, or clogged shower drains full of long, curly masses that do. Not. Budge. 

I feel like it should be addressed, however, in light of the upcoming winter season, where many people, men and women alike, forgo their shaving rituals and grow their fur coats.

As a human being of the hairier persuasion, I would like to admit fully that I can get behind winter habits such as hibernation, but growing a winter coat is not in the stars for me. 

I can’t. Honestly, I have tried so many times to take pride in my body in its most natural form, but I simply cannot do it. I cannot throw out my razors and shaving cream and let my body run wild. That idea is so terrifying to me, I can’t even handle it.

And I know women who can, women who are currently comfortable with their soft tufts of hair and fuzzy legs. These women are QUEENS, honestly, but I personally cannot allow myself to set down my razor for more than three days. 

I’m addicted to shaving. I have to be, my hair grows like bamboo. 30 inches a day. 

Okay, so that might be a little bit of an exaggeration, but I swear I have a five-o-clock shadow on my legs ten minutes after I shave. 

I love the feeling of cool sheets against my freshly mown calves. I love slinking around my dorm room, relishing the fact that I can comfortably go two more days (at the most!) without shaving again. I’ve even mastered the art of speed-shaving, a talent that I have developed given my aversion to punctuality and desire to stay in bed until the last minute. Sometimes, I can even shave in under five minutes. Which is a real feat, given that my legs are longer than the average 20-year-old’s. 

What I’m trying to say is, I can’t not shave, especially my legs. I feel most comfortable when my legs are smooth and hairless, and I’m not willing to grow them out if it makes me uncomfortable. Women whose hair is less thick, grows slower, or who just DO NOT CARE may be okay with the fuzziness factor, but I am a creature of habit. 

Same as Chewbacca. And I promise to single-handedly keep Gillette in business.