Lifestyle Select by SMV
Fatal Attraction: Why you Keep Attracting Losers
From being ghosted, to being stood up, to being lied to, to being cheated on, some people just don’t have the best of luck when it comes to dating.
Are you are consistently attracting emotionally unavailable, toxic partners who are unable to satisfy your (emotional, psychological, spiritual, and sexual) needs?
Do you find that you have certain dating patterns that are difficult to break free of, but can’t figure out why?
Well, this article’s you, babe!
So, you’re a great person with a huge heart, and tons of love to give. You’re kind hearted, sincere, loyal, and fun as fuck. Oh, and you’re a freak between the sheets. Am I right?
Despite being this incredible, bad ass person, you are still meeting partners who are not worthy of your love, and who don’t recognize just how awesome you are. Am I right?
So, why do you keep attracting these losers??
Here are some possible reasons as to why you are struggling to find the man of your dreams.
- Do you know what you want and need in a partner? What are your deal makers and deal breakers? If you don’t know, how will you know when you’ve found “the one?” When you’re clear on what you want, it’s more likely that you will attract someone who possesses those qualities. Remember, “what you see depends mainly on what you look for.” - John Lubbock. In addition to knowing what you want, it is important to know what you do not want and what you will not accept in a partner. Exercise: Try making a list of about 3-5 qualities that you feel are an absolute must in your partner, and 3-5 qualities that are red flags and a definite no-go for you.
- Where are you looking for men? - if you are attracting the wrong guys consistently, perhaps you’re looking in the wrong spots. You are much more likely to attract a fuck boi at a bar or club, than you are at say a coffee shop. Try going to new places that are outside of your everyday routine so that you expose yourself to a more diverse population of people - a library, a park, comedy club, trivia night, a museum, a basketball game, yoga/ workout class, etc…
- What kind of vibe are you giving off? - What kind of signals are you sending potential partners? What do your mannerisms, appearance, body language, behaviour, and energy say about you, and what you’re looking for? - Flirty? Slutty? Friends only? Fuck buddy material? A serious relationship? Check yourself to ensue that the energy you’re giving off is in alignment with your goals and desires.
- Are you settling for less than you deserve? - We teach people how to treat us. So, how are you teaching others to treat you? Do you participate in conversations and relationships that lack integrity and respect? Do you set boundaries and speak up when they are overlooked or ignored? Do you say no when you don’t want to do something? Do you walk away from situations that no longer serve you? - If you want others to respect you, you have to respect yourself first. Also, if you’re settling for the wrong guy, you aren’t leaving much space for Mr. Right to come into your life. Also, try not to let the pressure of feeling like you need to be married (or in a certain place in your life) by a specific time get to you. Fuck timelines. It is more than ok to be single. If you’re single, I say enjoy it and use it as time to figure out who you are and what you want and need in a partner/ relationship.
- Do you know your worth? - What are your true beliefs about yourself in regards to romantic relationship? Be brutally honest with how you think of and perceive yourself. If deep down you believe that you are unworthy and undeserving of a healthy relationship, guess what you’re going to continue to attract?... relationships that are unworthy and unsatisfying. The law of attraction (LOA) states that we will attract into our lives what we focus our energy and attention on. EX: if you believe you are a failure and continuously speak negatively about yourself and your abilities, you will manifest failure. “Until you change your thinking, you will always recycle your experiences.” - Unknown. Exercise: try using positive affirmations daily for one week (or more). Every morning when you wake up, go to your mirror, look at yourself deep in the eyes, and connect to yourself. Then create an affirmation as if you are currently in a healthy, loving, satisfying, and joyful relationship. EX: my relationship is founded on unconditional love, acceptance, respect, and open communication. I love my partner, and my partner loves me. Together, we enjoy a deeply connected and meaningful partnership.
- Familiarity can play a role in who you are attracted to - according to Dr. Harville Hendrix, creator of Imago therapy, a relationship therapy modality, we are unconsciously attracted to partners who have similar qualities to our primary caregivers. Familiarity can breed security and comfort, however, familiarity isn’t always a positive thing. Ex: If you had an authoritarian and controlling father who hit you when you were younger, you might be drawn to controlling, dominating, and toxic males in romantic relationships, as an adult. I suggest reading, “Getting The Love You Want”, by Dr. Harville Hendrix
So, do any of these apply to you!?
I want to remind you that you are a beautiful, bad ass babe, who has TONS to offer. You deserve to be in a healthy, respectful, loving and intimate relationship where your needs are being met consistently.
Please, do not settle for anything that makes you less than completely happy and satisfied.
If you have any questions or comments about this topic, or anything, please feel free to reach out to me — @talking.with.talya
I am training to be a sex and relationship therapist, and currently practice spiritual psychotherapy. I am accepting clients - both in person and over Skype or the phone. I’d love to work together!
Thanks so much for tuning in.
Until next time,
⁃ Tal, xox