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Kiss me: No, not like that
By: Talya Feldman-Lloyd

Art By: Ana Félez -

When I was younger and saw people kiss, either in real life or in movies, I would close my eyes tight and pretend that I was the one being passionately kissed. 

I honestly couldn’t wait for it to be my turn. 

Well, when I finally had my first kiss in grade 7, it was pretty fucking gross and not at all how I dreamed it would be. #worstnightmare #slopcity 

Kissing is a powerful and beautiful act that can bring people closer together, spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

It can also be hella disgusting and a dreaded act if you aren’t doing it “right.”

Doing it Right 

Well, what does doing it “right” mean? - it’s subjective, for sure, as everyone has their own preferred method for both giving and receiving smooches. #kissmenonotlikethat

This makes communicating honestly with your partner about you ideal style of kissing pretty important. 

We can’t expect our partners to read our minds... be transparent, open, and honest, and don’t shy away from taking the lead, and/ or from speaking up in order to cater the kissing to your liking. 

Below I am going to share some tips with you to guide you to being what I consider the “perfect kisser.”  

To me, there is nothing worse than a slop-city kiss, where I have to wipe my mouth at the end because it’s soaking wet. Yikes!  #dateover #nothanks #lessismore 

Did you Know?... 

A study by Rafael Wlodaski in 2013, demonstrated that kissing can highly influence the level of desirability and attraction one feels toward another, specifically in short-term relationships and specifically for women.1

Women (more than men) frequently use kissing to assess the suitability of a potential partner. 

This means that being a good kisser is important and helpful in attracting a mate. So, learning to kiss in a way that your significant other enjoys, can literally make or break your relationship.1

Tal’s Tips 

Below are some of my personal moves and tips for yummy kisses. Hopefully you’ll get at least a couple of new ideas. 

1 - Don’t be too tongue-heavy - there is such thing as too much tongue! Introduce your tongue gently and lightly. Do not try to stick it in someone’s mouth as far as it can go. *Reminder: Less is more. #chokinghazard #moderationiskey 

2 - Use your lips more than your tongue - gently graze your lips against your partners, pulling away now and then, and then leaning back in for more. 

3 - Take your time while kissing - it’s not a race to see who can stick their tongue in the others mouth first. Enjoy the act of kissing. Be present with it. Feel the energy as it builds between you and your partner(s).

4 - Look into your partner's eyes in between kisses - this is romantic and makes your partner feel cared for, loved, and special. 

5 - Do NOT wiggle your tongue and try writing the letters of the alphabet - too much movement of the tongue feels intense and overwhelming. When you are too tongue-heavy, you focus more on performing, over simply being in the moment. Gently lick your partners tongue like you were licking ice cream; slow and mini caresses of your tongue against theirs

6 - Check-in with your partner while you’re kissing - “is this good?” “Do you like this?” The slightest bit of feedback can help turn your partner from a zero to a hero. Also, honouring your partner and their needs will help create a more intimate and safe connection.

7 - Put on yummy flavoured chapstick before getting down and dirty - adding a mint or coconut flavour can enhance the experience for all parties involved, and it has the added bonus of keeping your lips soft and moisturizered.

8 - Touch your partners face, hair, and lower lip with your hand - kissing is about connection. Holding their face gently, sweeping their hair gently behind their ears, or brushing by their bottom lip with your thumb is sexy, sweet, and romantic. 

Did I leave anything out?? 

Remember, kissing is a sensual experience - the senses, especially taste, smell, and touch, play a role in creating the experience. As a result, oral hygiene is hugely important! 

Brush your teeth. Flossing is also a great idea. And, mouthwash never hurts, either. 

No body wants to kiss someone with yuck breath. #badbreathnothanks #oralhygeine

I’d love to hear what you consider the ideal kiss - Reach out! 

Thanks for tuning in, babes!

~ Tal 


1 The Science of Kissing: Why a kiss is not just a kiss.(2018). The Irish Times. Retrieved August 1, 2019 from, Link

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