e all may have varying degrees of said ‘neediness’ and there are some that could boarder-line on extreme. Which is not the most healthy of situations, for either party.
We know this.
I’m not talking about the serial ‘stalkers’ or the incessant, hounding, demanding type of neediness - which is purely driven by deep insecurities, by the way...but I’ll save that topic for another time.
I’m talking about those of us who just want to be told and shown that we’re thought of, wanted, and desired.
You know, it’s innate in all of us actually - men and women - to be wanted, to be needed, to be liked, to be set apart as special. It’s in our nature and usually, it’s further driven by how we have been nurtured (or not) by our parents/caregivers from infancy onwards. Then fuelled by rejections and ‘failed’ relationships as we age.
We spend most of our adulthood searching for fulfillment from a partner, someone who can heal the insecurities we have picked up over the years. Someone who will make us believe how sexy we want to feel, how desired we want to feel. Instead of realizing that we need to learn to love our imperfections perfectly, first.
Some will use the lure of sex and physical pleasure to attain that craved intimacy of deeper desire. But that soon wears off and you find yourself staring at a stranger the next morning, feeling emptier than before.
That’s because no other human, partner, child, friend or other can heal your own insecurities. That’s a journey you need to dig into on your own.
So to the men reading this;
~ Be genuine in your intentions, first and foremost.
~ Communicate your boundaries, clearly. From. The. Start.
~ Don’t be a dick and string her along once you ‘get’ her.
~ Don’t take advantage of her ‘need’ to be wanted and desired to fulfil your own neediness (or ego).
And to the women reading this;
~ Communicate your needs! From. The. Start.
~ Don’t pretend you’re ok with him not treating you the way you want to be, then snap and go bat-shit crazy on the poor fucker, when you never communicated your needs from jump!
(Don’t pretend you haven’t done this either, ladies! I know you have!).
~ Stop accepting less from them, with the hope of it becoming more.
And remember everyone, unspoken boundaries become unrealistic expectations that lead to disappointments. And expectations will fuck you, (and not in the good way) every time.
Ultimately, it’s about being a good human, being honest with yourself and with others you encounter along your dating journey. It’s not rocket science.