Standards & Ideals VS Values & Principles:
Which Are Guiding Your Life and Self-Love?
Are you living by the standards and ideals around you — or by the values and principles that truly matter to you?
When it comes to self-love and living powerfully, do you find yourself following the standards and ideals set by those around you? Or have you created your own values and principles that inspire you deeply every day?
Have you ever paused to consider what influences your choices and actions? Are you living according to what matters most to you — or based on how others think your life should look?
What Are Standards and Ideals — And How Do They Shape Your Life?
Standards and ideals are expectations that often represent “perfection” or “excellence” — but they’re usually shaped by others. These come from your family, friends, community, workplace, culture, politics, or even societal norms.
When you live according to these external standards and ideals, you tend to act in ways others expect. This often leads to an inauthentic way of being — one that may not resonate with who you truly are or what inspires you most.
What Are Values and Principles — And Why Do They Matter More?
In contrast, values and principles are your personal compass. They come from what inspires you and what you believe gives your life meaning.
When you live according to your own principles and values, you:
- Do what you love and what inspires you
- Measure your self-worth based on your own standards
- Cultivate self-love by being open to receiving and giving love in all its forms
This alignment builds a mindset of self-love and gratitude because your actions resonate deeply with who you are.
My Journey: From Living Standards & Ideals to Creating My Own Values & Principles
This shift became clear to me during a difficult relationship. I was caught between two conflicting headspaces:
- “No one has to be the same person tomorrow as they were today.”
- “No one who loves me would hurt me like this.”
Both were rooted in the standards and ideals I absorbed from my environment. I had no clear personal principles or values guiding my love life. Instead, I blamed the men I dated for not meeting those external standards — but realized the real issue was my own ways of being and acting blocking love.
The challenge then became discovering my own principles and values — starting with how much I valued myself and what minimum love I was willing to accept to allow a relationship to flourish.
I began to see men, relationships, and myself through a new lens. I created a vision of a mutually abundant relationship and stood firmly inside it. This shift opened up endless possibilities for love — and for every area of my life.
How to Stay True to Your Values & Principles When Surrounded by External Expectations
Often, we unconsciously let external standards and ideals overtake the personal values we’ve set for ourselves. The more self-aware you become about your ways of being and acting, the easier it is to catch when you’re falling into others’ expectations.
Once aware, you can gently push those aside and reclaim your values and principles as your guiding light.
Final Thoughts: Build the Muscle of Self-Awareness and Self-Love
Be patient and kind to yourself as you practice this awareness. Give yourself the space to strengthen this “muscle” until living authentically — aligned with your own principles and values — becomes second nature.
I’d love to hear about the principles and values that inspire you to live powerfully and love yourself wholeheartedly.
Find me on Instagram @ambersabourin
Love always,
Amberly
