What Happens When You Finally
Confront the Childhood That Still Controls You
Dear Me: Healing from Childhood Trauma and PTSD
We’ve been through so many life hurdles together. At such a young age, our innocence was taken away. We grew up in a household filled with violence, a cycle rooted in intergenerational trauma.
The feeling of never being good enough for our Tiger Mom, always trying to be people-pleasers, and battling with not feeling enough took a heavy emotional and mental toll. This lack of familial love pushed us to seek refuge in romantic relationships — but those often failed.
Falling for the wrong people, dating to fill an emptiness, and self-sabotaging even with kind partners were all signs that we weren’t ready for true companionship.
Struggling with PTSD, Anxiety, Bulimia, and Depression
As our inner demons slowly surfaced and lived beneath our skin, we pushed away friends and lovers who truly cared. We hated ourselves, silently screaming for help but feeling like a burden — unworthy of seeking assistance.
Esther, it’s been a wild ride. The emotional roller coaster, set on a broken track, was headed for a cliff at age 30. But miraculously, it came to a halt.
Letting Go and Starting the Healing Journey
You were there through the PTSD, anxiety, bulimia, and depression — and I applaud you for sticking by my side. But it’s time to let you go.
My younger self, whom I couldn’t save from unfortunate events or give a better life, I’m sorry. You put up walls to protect me, even if they hurt in the process. Thank you for holding on when I was ready to give up.
Taking Charge of My Life and Moving Forward
I’m ready to take charge now. I will focus on healing the present and future me in your memory. When you read this, I will have parted from the parts of my subconsciousness that held me back.
Know this: You are not alone. I’ve fixed the roller coaster track before leaving, so the journey ahead is filled with happy memories that will keep coming back.
And always remember, you are and have always been enough.
— Haira Esther Kang
