Before It's Too Late: Ending an Abusive Relationship

Apr 3, 2020
Written by
Kindra Lee Murphy
Photographed by
Kafa
I

n my early 20’s I was always a bridesmaid, but never a bride. My romantic relationship was so toxic my friends wouldn’t even allow him at their weddings. I yearned for the love I witnessed, but continuously chose a manipulative man and a cycle of abuse. 

He lied, cheated, ignored my calls and texts, called me names, broke my cell phone, threw my belongings off our balcony, and locked me out of our apartment. For years this behavior continued and for years I believed him when he told me it was my fault. 

One morning I was blow drying my hair getting ready for yet another bridal shower. He abruptly came around the corner with scissors in his hands. I was terrified. He screamed and said the sound was too loud, grabbed the dryer out of my hand and cut the cord. 

At the bridal shower after a few glasses of bubbly I confessed to my besties that I felt completely stuck and helpless. I knew I had to do something. I’m not sure if it was the booze or the love they have for me, but my girls and I kicked off our heels, left the shower, stomped up the stairs to my apartment and started taking handfuls of my clothes and packing the backseats of our cars. 

It was over. I was done. Don’t fuck with a girl’s blow dryer!

Rebuilding my story around love took time. It took dedication, but raising my standards was instant in that moment. 

I beg you to trust your gut. I beg you to see your worth. I beg you to leave.

Will I ever be a bride? Yes, if that’s what I choose. I have a choice and so do you. When will you start choosing yourself too?

Women are questioned why we are getting married later in life. My theory is we as women are able to think for ourselves. We carefully listen to our hearts, use our voices and rightfully so. We no longer conform to traditional gender roles at the hands of men. We have that choice ladies. Having that right means we’re able to choose men who are healthy for us.

That ring finger on your left hand does not define you. Your wisdom does. Make wise decisions.

If you are in an abusive relationship and you need help, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

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