Why did I hate you so much???
Because I was told to. Encouraged to. Taught how to. I was shown only one narrow standard of beauty that led me to believe that the way you looked was wrong, disgusting, needed to be fixed.
I spent years and years of my life attempting to do this, trying to mould you into something that I thought would be socially acceptable. These attempts involved starvation - long, agonising bouts of starvation that completely drained me - a decade of bulimia and buying and trying pills that claimed to be the silver bullet but that actually did me even more harm.
All of this caused me a lot of pain, a lot of tears, a lot of energy and a lot of wasted time… Because it's hard to fight against biology, against your own DNA. It's tough, tiring - no, exhausting - and the battle never ends.
And even when I did manage to change you? It didn't change the self-loathing that was ever-present in my mind.
Because you were never the problem...
The problem was what I had been taught, how I had grown up, the magazines I had read, the advertisements that been shown to me, the diet clubs that had been promoted to me. They made me believe that you were wrong, but the problem is them...
The moment I woke up to this is when I truly began living. Began treating you with the love and respect that you deserved, that you had always unconditionally given to me, despite years of abuse.
We are together now, working as a duo, and I appreciate every part of you... The stretchmarks, the cellulite, the rolls - it is all a part of me, of you, of us. And I promise never to split from you again.
From: Alex Light
Say hi to Alex on insta: @alexlight_ldn