How to Be

Your Own Best Friend and Cultivate Self-Love

A Morning of Gratitude and Connection

We greeted each other with love in the muted darkness of 6 a.m. We stared into each other’s eyes and exchanged deep, authentic compliments. On our stroll to Ojai’s hipster-est coffee shop, I couldn’t help but notice—damn, this girl is sexy.

I felt a little red with shame at the thought, but quickly reminded myself: I’m only human, and this girl deserves to be acknowledged—for her lake-blue eyes, her bangin’ eyebrows, and her voluptuous figure. The confidence in her sway was enough to make heads turn.

We talked about silly things, deep things, sad things, and laughed at absurdities—but mostly, we walked in silence, relishing sweet nothingness and the crisp, bright air of early spring.

Gratitude Starts With Yourself

I am so grateful to have her as a best friend, I thought repeatedly. But I am even more grateful to call myself my best friend.

To gaze into my own eyes, compliment myself, notice what I love about myself, and shut down the negative chatter. I know I will be with myself for the whole journey of life, so I better make this relationship a damn good one.

Shutting Down Negative Self-Talk

Being your own best friend is a journey. The first—and hardest—step is silencing the negative self-talk we learn early on.

Imagine saying to your friends what you say to yourself:
"Wow, what a waste of a cute dress. Your skin looks terrible. Have you gained a couple of pounds? Cover that up. It’s too bad you don’t have the personality to make up for your looks."

Yeeeah…you wouldn’t have friends after that. But these are the words we often say to ourselves every day. No matter who you are, you don’t deserve that treatment from anyone—especially yourself.

Speak to Yourself With Love and Kindness

Say to yourself what you would say to the person you love the most. Say the things you would say to your pets. Say the words you needed to hear when you were young and didn’t.

Give yourself compliments every single day. Recognize your beauty, your humor, your strength, and your confidence.

Self-Love in Action

Being your own best friend isn’t just about self-talk—but it’s a good 90% of the battle. From there, flows a fulfilling relationship with yourself:

• Practice self-care
• Do what brings you joy
• Celebrate your body and desires

Your relationship with yourself sets the foundation for your happiness, confidence, and fulfillment in life.