Let’s talk about sex baby…about sex toys and using sex toys with your partner(s)…

Nov 4, 2020
Written by
RACHEL JARDINE
Photographed by
T

his article is brought to you by Peachynkeen, a female owned business embracing female sexuality in all its forms and celebrating wellness without censorship. We are here for THIS!!

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Many feel shame when it comes to sex toys, that they shouldn’t own them, that they shouldn’t use them, that it’s wrong to use them within a relationship and so on. So, let’s address that. First off, everyone is deserving of pleasure. For years, the patriarchy has perpetuated unfair and discriminatory ideals onto us, especially people with vulvas, that sexual pleasure is shameful and dirty. FYI, it’s not. Your pleasure matters and as you keep telling yourself that, you will grow to accept and normalise receiving pleasure. This will help you to explore your sexuality and sexual desire when it comes to pleasure…and this might be the point you want to start experimenting with sex toys.

When you get to know your body and its sexual desires, you will start to understand what type of stimulation you like and what you would like to explore in the world of sex toys! There are so many different types of sex toys available, such as, bullet vibrators, rabbits, dildos, massagers, butt plugs and so much more to accommodate your preferences. Sex toys can offer so much to solo sex and partnered sex situations, adding enhanced pleasure and maybe some more orgasms to your sexual experience! As there are many available sex toys on the market, it can take time and practice to find the toy that suits you best...good things take time (and patience!)

So…you know what your sexual preferences are, you have purchased your sex toy, now its time to try it out. Trying out sex toys with a partner can be a great way to begin, if you are feeling nervous with trying them out. Using sex toys with a partner not only benefits those using the sex toy but can enhance intimacy and pleasure between those involved during a sexual encounter. Partners can make you feel more comfortable with sex toys by creating a safe space to allow you explore part of yourself that you may not feel comfortable doing alone. Masturbating during solo sex with sex toys is another great way to start out! Those moments of being on your own can provide a space and experience unsimilar to partnered sex. Getting to know your body is a process, a process to better sex.

If you are uncomfortable with discussing sex with partners, talking about wanting to use sex toys in your partnered sex life can be difficult. Each person involved is deserving of equal pleasure and some may only be able to reach their preferred sensation by using a sex toy. Communicating your desires and thoughts for using a sex toy with your partner(s) with complete honesty - will display to your partner(s) the ways that sex toys help you to reach sexual pleasure. Some people may feel that sex toys are ‘removing’ a sexual act that could be performed without sex toys. The truth is, sex toys add something new to your sex life, not take something away. New sensations can be created with sex toys that may not have occurred otherwise...and anyways who doesn’t like seeing their partner(s) receive pleasure and orgasms?!  

Sex toys are great for switching up how you receive pleasure as some offer a different sensation than solo or partnered sex would, which is why sex toys are great for couples. Couples can find themselves in the same sex routine, a sex toy can switch this up and add a new dimension to their relationship. Browsing sex toy websites, like Peachynkeen, can act as a bonding experience as you discuss what you want from your sex toys, increasing your vulnerability with each other. Sex toys can also help to give an better understanding on what type of sexual pleasure you enjoy, giving a wider understanding on what your boundaries are when it comes to sex with partners. Communicating your boundaries to the person/people you are having sex with lets them know exactly what you are comfortable with and what is off limits for you.

The most important aspect when using sex toys with partners is consent. Consent before, during, after and every moment in between. As Florence Given says, “If its not a FUCK YES, it’s a no”. Before having sex with partners, creating a safe word (for example, the word red or the word orange) that can be used to communicate that you want to stop having sex, ensures safety and comfortability during sex. When beginning with sex toys in partnered sex, the people involved can get nervous and may want to stop using the toy(s). By ensuring there is a safe space during sex means those involved could stop having sex without fear of judgement or disappointment.

Using sex toys with partners is exciting but if someone is not comfortable with using them, they should not be used. There are many ways you can alter your routine, methods or experiences when it comes to sex, sex toys aren’t always the best way and that’s okay. Part of normalising the use of sex toys with partners is knowing that everyone’s pleasure is different, different things work for different people and are all completely valid. Find out what works for you and go with it.

Exploring sex toys with partners can change your sex life in many ways, and with your pleasure at the forefront, there is nothing wrong with trying sex toys! Keep the dialogue open and always ensure consent, happy shagging :)  

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