My Ride or Die

Mar 28, 2020
Written by
Leah Stark
Photographed by
W

e greeted each other with love in the muted darkness of 6am. We stared into each other’s eyes and swapped deep, authentic compliments. When we stepped out for a stroll to Ojai’s hipster-est coffee shop, I couldn’t help but notice...damn this girl is sexy. I got a little red with shame at the thought, but quickly reminded myself - hey, I’m only human, and this girl deserves to be acknowledged for her lake-blue eyes, her bangin’ eyebrows, and her voluptuous figure. The confidence that swung her hips two and fro was enough to make heads swivel around so hard they’d wobble on their necks for a second like bobble-heads, trying to regain equilibrium. We contemplated silly things, deep things, sad things and laughed at the absurd things - but mostly we walked in silence, reveling in sweet nothingness and the bright, crisp air of early spring. 

I am so grateful to have her as a best friend, I thought to myself over and over. I get to share this wild journey on planet earth with her every day. 

And I am grateful. I am grateful to call myself my best friend. To gaze into my own eyes and compliment myself, to pay attention to the things I love about myself and observe the negative chatter, and shut it down.

I know that I will be right here with me for the whole journey of life, so I better make this relationship a damn good one.

Being your own best friend is a journey and a half, let me tell you. The negative self-talk we all learn early on is the first thing that has got to go. Imagine if you said the things you say to yourself to your friends. What would the friendships in your life look like? Realistically, would you have any friends? 

When I reflect on the criticisms and insults that I recycled through my head most of my life, and I imagine saying them out loud to my friends...well, that would be mortifying and awkward, and I’d probably get slapped a time or two. Just picture it: “Hey girl! Wow, what a waste of a cute dress! Your skin looks terrible, but you may be OK if you stay out of bad lighting. Have you gained a couple of pounds? A couple of pounds doesn’t sound like a lot, but on your body, it looks disgusting. Cover that shit up. It’s too bad you don’t have the personality to make up for the way you look today.”

Yeeeah. Imagine that friend ever talking to you again. But seriously, these are the kinds of things we say to ourselves. No matter who you are, you don’t deserve that kind of treatment from anyone, especially the person that you get to spend forever with.

Say the things to yourself that you would say to the person you love the absolute most. Say the things to yourself that you would say to your pets! And, say the things to yourself that you needed to hear when you were young, and didn’t. Give yourself compliments...every. single. day.

Being your own best friend isn’t all about self-talk, but it’s a good 90% of the battle. From there flows a fulfilling relationship of self-care, doing what gives you joy - and lots of orgasms.

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