Things you should know about having sex for the first time

Jul 24, 2020
Written by
Talya Feldman-Lloyd 
Photographed by

aving sexual intercourse for the first time can be an intimidating experience. It certainly is a memory that you’ll carry around for a while, if not forever.

I’m here to help provide you with information and tips surrounding having sex for the first time. My hope is that you will feel prepared, informed, and confident in your decision to get it on.

Here are some things you should know about your first experience with intercourse:
  1. Communication is everything. Having intercourse for the first time can be a nerve racking experience. It’s important for all involved to be comfortable expressing their wants, needs, and desires, along with what they don’t like. Having a positive first experience is dependent on open communication and honesty. 
  2. If you have a hymen, it will not “pop.” That’s not how it works. The hymen is a small piece of skin that is found inside the opening of the vagina. It does not cover the entire vaginal opening. Rather, the opening is partially covered - the hymen is perforated, and rather then popping, it tears and stretches. Your hymen can tear during exercise, horseback riding, and gymnastics. A stretched hymen is not always an indicator of virginity status.
  3. Intercourse can cause you discomfort. If you are turned, you will likely be wet. This lubrication is an important factor in helping the penis slide into the vagina without too much friction. It’s important to be relaxed, comfortable with your partner, and to have lube on hand, in general during sex, but especially for your first time. 
  4. Sometimes funny sounds are made during intercourse. In certain positions, air can be pushed into the vagina making a queef sound. If you aren’t expecting it, it can feel embarrassing and ruin the moment. I’m here to tell you that sounds during sex are totally natural and nothing to be ashamed of. It happens to the best of us. 
  5. Having sexual intercourse doesn’t change you as a person. You are still pure, and deserving of love and respect, both before and after you have intercourse for the first time.
  6. Intercourse can be awkward. Your experience will likely not be similar to that of a porno. The movements and position changes may be choppy and not as fluid and familiar, silly sounds can be made, you may not enjoy every position, and you likely won’t orgasm at the drop of a dime. That shit takes work. Be patient and compassionate. It takes practice to ‘perfect’ the art of intercourse. 
  7. Foreplay is a good idea before sticking the D in the V (or in the ass). Foreplay helps you get turned on, and therefore gets you wet. This lubrication is helpful in preventing too much friction and force during penetration. Foreplay also helps you loosen up, relax and prepare for the next steps in the bedroom (aka intercourse). Note: lube is a must have during anal sex.
  8. It’s possible you will bleed during your first time. Depending on the size of your vagina, and the size of your partner’s dick, your hymen will stretch to varying degrees. It is possible for you to bleed, however, if you do, it will likely be a small amount. 
  9. Birth control. Use it! It is certainly possible to get pregnant during your first time having intercourse, so it’s important to use birth control each time, unless you are trying to get pregnant. 
  10. Orgasms may or may not happen during the first time. If you have a penis, it’s possible that you will struggle with coming faster than you would ideally like to. Studies show 1 in 3 men struggle with premature ejaculation. If you have a penis, you can also have issues reaching climax the first time. Women may also struggle with not being able to orgasm during the first time. This is because it takes practice to learn how you like to be pleased and to feel comfortable expressing these needs to a partner. 
  11. Consent can be revoked at any time. Just because you start off wanting to have intercourse doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind during the encounter. If at any time you choose that you do not want to have sex anymore, speak up and tell your partner. Your decision must be respected, without question.

Don’t feel pressured and like you have to do anything that you aren’t totally comfortable doing. 

You are an active player in any of your experiences with having sexual intercourse, so don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself and be vocal about what you want and don’t want. You need to be your own advocate.

If you have any concerns prior to beginning, share them with your partner. Get everything out in the open so that you can be on the same page.

Lastly, have fucking fun!

MORE articles

You May Also Like

Courtney Faith: A Journey to Self-Love in the Heart of Orlando

Like many navigating the complex tapestry of societal expectations, Courtney found herself entangled in the web of unrealistic beauty standards. The struggle to appreciate and love her body fully was a poignant chapter in her life, marked by moments of pressure to conform to a predefined image.

Read More