elf-care routines have become a huge trend nowadays. For example, this can include skin care routines, reading a book in silence, working out, spending time alone. But what about masturbation? Yes, you read that right! Masturbation should be part of your regular self-care regimen. From my personal experience there are so many benefits to solo-sex such as:
- Helping improve body confidence and self-esteem
- Masturbation gives the ability to explore your body at your own pace.
- Leads to becoming a better communicator with a partner
- Leads to learning how to love yourself more
Here is the beauty of masturbation, there is no right or wrong way to do it. And please understand that pleasure and sex is not a “One size, fits all”. It looks and feels different for everyone.
When working with client’s who want to learn how to become comfortable with solo-sex, here are some of the tips I give them:
1. Make a “Date” with yourself: Put it in your phone calendar, planner or wherever you will remember and mark it “IMPORTANT”
2. Create a space of comfort: Pick a room in your home and create a sexy environment. Add soft or romantic music of your liking, pour yourself a glass of wine or your favorite beverage, wear sexy lingerie (time to buy a new one or two?) and turn on candles or tea lights.
3. Ways to get you in the mood: Read a chapter or two of erotica novels. Reading allows for your imagination to run wild (trust me it will turn you on!), watch porn. Yes, you heard me right. For some of us who are visual learners watching instead of reading may be a better option. The web has free porn websites with plenty to choose from, such as female friendly porn, girl on girl, different types of fetishes, you get my point. There is nothing wrong with allowing porn to be a part of your foreplay.
4. Sex toys: Buy a new toy and explore area’s you haven’t explored before. Most women own clitoral vibrators because it is how most can achieve an orgasm. Try a vaginal vibrating toy (one that goes inside the vagina). Anal sex toys are also something new to try if you’ve never experienced back door play. You can choose from butt plugs in different shapes, sizes and material, vibrating butt plugs or anal beads. The anal is an area enriched with pleasurable nerve endings. Therefore, you can start by placing the vibrating anal toy around the anal area and massaging the area without inserting, this can be the start to something you never thought would feel so good. Don’t knock it till you try it, is what I recommend.
***Please remember when using anal toys in the anal area, do not inert that same toy anywhere else (vagina, mouth etc.). All toy’s need to be cleaned properly with a sex toy cleaner after every use and stored properly. This will help prevent bacterial infections and will help keep your toy in good this condition.
5. Lubrication: in addition to your natural lubrication will not only make solo-sex sessions pleasurable but it will also protect your vaginal walls from tears. These tears occur when there is friction from a finger, sex toy or a penis and not enough lubrication. How can you tell if there is a tear? While urinating right after sex (as we all do, right?) feeling a burning sensation from the urine will tell you.
6. Orgasms: Don’t worry so much about orgasms. Putting that pressure on yourself will make it harder to orgasm and will take away the fun. Just relax and enjoy exploring your body.
Have a great One!
Certified Sex Educator, Women's Sexual Health & Pleasure Coach