Look at Me Now: Playing with the Lights On

Feb 27, 2020
Written by
Talya Feldman-Lloyd
Photographed by

f you don’t enjoy having sex with the lights on, you certainly are not alone. I have been there.

Trust me, I get it. You don’t want your partner to notice the stretch marks on your hips and thighs, or to see your soft tummy as it folds and rolls in certain places. You’re self conscious about the birthmark that’s on your penis or vagina, or your awkward orgasm face, and it makes you feel intimidated, uncomfortable, and vulnerable to show all of you to your partner. So you don’t! You make hella sure that all the lights are turned off before you take your clothes off and start to get freaky.

Well, believe it or not, there are actually some reasons as to why you might enjoy or benefit from leaving the lights on during a lil’ romp in the sac. Here they are:

  1. For starters, every person likes being touched and caressed in different places on their body, and in different ways (ie: soft and gentle vs. hard and rough). We all have different sexy spots that are in precise locations on our bodies. Keeping the lights on allows you to see exactly what you’re doing, and where you’re going. Fucking in the dark makes fumbling around more likely, and that’s not sexy.
  2. Sight is a powerful sense and can be incredibly stimulating. Seeing your partner’s naked body as they fuck the shit out of you can be hot! Watching their facial expressions as you please them. Seeing the sweat drip down their face. Watching as your partner penetrates you. Watching your partner in ecstasy as they orgasm. So hot!
  3. It fosters intimacy - there isn’t much that’s more intimate than when partners can see each other’s naked bodies, lock eyes, see each other’s facial expressions, and touch each other’s bodies in the most sensitive places during a night of love making. Who doesn’t want to watch their partners breast bounce up and down as their riding you, or see a beautiful hard dick waiting to enter you.
  4. Eye contact! What’s hotter than when you and your partner lock eyes during a steamy sexual encounter? It adds a level of intensity when you and your partner stare into each other’s eyes as you make love. It can also be a great way to foster intimacy and enhance your connection. In fact, it’s been suggested to spend about 5 minutes simply looking into your partners eyes prior to having sex, for the sake of getting focussed and creating an intensified special and intimate connection.
  5. It increases vulnerability which increases connection. Being totally naked in front of a partner, just you, no layers, no defences is a beautiful thing. Though you may feel exposed, it creates a sense of respect and connection that lasts beyond the sexual encounter.
  6. Safety! It’s safer to have sex with the lights on in regards to condoms, unwanted pregnancy, and STI transmission. It’s important to check condoms for any rips and tears, as well as for air bubbles in the tip of the condom, once it’s been applied to a penis. Air bubbles can cause the condom to burst during sex, thus providing no protection. Having the lights on can also prevent you from having sex injuries, like kicking over the lamp, getting hurt during position changes, or accidentally using hand sanitizer or cream instead of lube.

Have you ever tried having sex with the lights on? Do you have a preference? - I’m so curious. Reach out to @talking.with.talya to continue the conversation!

Thanks for tuning in, my people!

Talya, xox

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