Questions You’re Afraid to Ask

Dec 16, 2019
Written by
Talya Feldman-Lloyd
Photographed by
Art Work: Ina Stanimirova
H

ow do you feel talking about sex? 

Many people experience shame around sex and thus feel uncomfortable talking about it. Others view talking about sex openly and freely as taboo. As a result, in both cases, we avoid conversations that revolve around sex, and therefore many of our questions remain unanswered. 

Not to worry! That’s what I’m here for; to help break the negative stigma around sex and to answer your most vulnerable questions.

To make things easy peasy, I have put together a list of some common q and a’s about sex and relationships that many shy away from asking. 

If I don’t cover a question that you have, please contact me via email or insta. You don’t have to be embarrassed with me - we’re in this together! 

Q & A’s

1. Is it ‘normal’ to enjoy _______?

There is no ‘normal’ when it comes to sex. 

As with everything, different people like different things. This is especially true for what we like or dislike in the boudoir.

Sure, there are acts that may be more or less common than others, but that doesn’t make the less common ones abnormal.

There are an unlimited number of sexual practices partners can experiment with. In my opinion, as long as all participating partners consent, I say do it, and enjoy the hell out of it!

Try not to worry about what is ‘normal.’ Focus on what you and your partner(s) enjoy. It’s no one else’s business or concern what you do in the bedroom.

2. Why does my vagina smell bad?

Many women are extra-cautious when it comes to the smell of their vaginas. It’s important to note that vaginas have a natural scent that can actually change depending on where you are in your menstrual cycle. This is totally natural!

In the case that there is a strong and distinct odour (and discharge) present, I suggest popping in to see your doctor, as it could be a sign of an infection. 

*Do NOT use a douche or feminine sprays in attempts to remove or cover up the odour - they can irritate your vagina and change the natural PH level, making you more prone to infections. 

3. How do I tell my partner that they aren’t pleasing me sexually?

This one can be tough as we obviously never want to hurt or offend our lovers. That being said, if your needs aren’t being met and you would like them to be (as most of us do), it’s important to speak up!

Many people learn tools and techniques from watching porn; something that can give us a skewed perspective of how to please a partner. 

Others use techniques that have successfully been implored in the past, and they may not be aware of other ways or of what you crave. After all, we all like things a little differently. It only makes sense that we would have to adjust to each new partner.

Consider that correcting your partner’s moves can actually provide you with a great opportunity to bond and increase trust, comfort, communication, and intimacy levels. As well as explore your sexuality and increase your enjoyment of sex dramatically.

Be gentle during the conversation, and educate your partner - just because you don’t enjoy something doesn’t mean that they are bad lovers... it just means that one thing doesn’t work FOR YOU. Someone else might love the shit out of it. 

4. Does being attracted to other people mean that I don’t love my partner?

Absolutely not.

Humans are not naturally monogamous, and being in a committed relationship doesn’t make you blind to those around you. 

You can appreciate someone else’s beauty or charming personality, from afar. 

If you feel tempted to cross a line and do more than just look, I would take that as a sign to have an honest conversation with yourself to see if you’re truly happy and satisfied in your current relationship, and to ponder whether a monogamous relationship is something you want.

5. I can’t squirt. It there something wrong with me?

Nope. Everyone orgasms differently. 

Many women struggle to squirt or ejaculate and believe they are incapable of doing so. Studies show that around 10-50% of women ejaculate during orgasm.1

My belief is that most (if not all) women have the potential to squirt or ejaculate, however it’s a matter of learning and practicing how to relax, let go, and let whatever happens, happen.1 

Until a year ago, I thought I was a woman who could not squirt. With the right partner – someone I was incredibly comfortable with – I learned that I was very capable of doing so! For me, it was about 80% mental and 20% physical. Meaning, that once I managed my thoughts and fears, I was able to relax, release, and squirt. 

6. Can I make my vagina tighter without surgery?

Short answer is yes. 

I’m sure you’ve heard of Kegel muscles and exercises - where you contract and relax your pelvic floor muscles. 

Easy to do and free, Kegel exercises are definitely a good option for strengthening your pelvic floor muscles and tightening the vaginal canal. *Tip: Try using vaginal weights or cones while doing Kegels, for added benefit. 

Kegel exercises aren’t the only non-surgical vaginal rejuvenation technique that exists. 

Here are some others:

  • Vaginal Fillers - Hyaluronic acid fillers, commonly used to reduce lines and wrinkle in the face, can be used for intimate enhancement procedures and to restore the vagina’s natural volume and firmness.
  • Platelet Rich Plasma (PRP) Therapy – taken from your own blood, it is injected into the clit or G-Spot for enhancement, strengthening and tightening of the vaginal muscle, and to encourage regeneration of the tissue.
  • Electrical Stimulation - used to stimulate muscles in the vaginal canal and pelvic floor, thus strengthening them. *Tip: Try the at-home device called APEX.
  • ThermiVa - heat is transferred via radiofrequency to external and internal vaginal tissue. When heat is applied, tissues compress, realign, and produce new collagen, which leads to a tighter vaginal canal. *Tip: three 30-minute sessions are recommended. 
  • FemiLift - used to improve the health and vitality of vaginal tissue, the FemiLifemits a 360-degree fractional CO2 laser throughout the vaginal canal promoting the production of collagen. Elasticity aids in the tightening of the vaginal walls. *Tip: three 10 to 15-minute sessions are recommended. 
Picture 1: The FemiLift Laser inside the Vagina


Thanks so much for tuning in and continuing to support me. 

We are sexual beings and our bodies are complicated– it makes sense that we’d need a little support from time to time. 

I’m hoping that I at least covered a couple of questions that cross your mind from time to time. But if I didn’t, remember to reach out - @talking.with.talya – I’d love to hear from you!

Until next week, babes!

________


Bibliography 

1Female Ejaculation: What’s Known and Unknown. (2014). From https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/all-about-sex/201401/female-ejaculation-what-s-known-and-unknown 

23 Ways to Tighten you Vagina Without Plastic Surgery. (2016). From https://www.google.ca/amp/s/www.essence.com/amp/love/3-ways-tighten-your-vagina-without-plastic-surgery/ 

3How to Tighten Your Vagina Naturally. (2018). From https://dvhc.org/how-to-tighten-vagina-naturally/ 

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