Getting Through a Breakup:

How I Survived Heartbreak and Learned to Love Myself Again

Breakups. One of the most painful experiences we face.
It’s the gut-wrenching feeling of watching the life you thought you knew slip away.

I know heartbreak all too well. For privacy, let’s call this most recent guy London.

London and I were in a long-distance relationship—he was in England, I was in America. We decided to make it work. I started saving money so he could move here. He started looking at apartments… and, as I would later find out, other women.

The relationship ended when I discovered he had cheated on me several times in one weekend. He blamed the ketamine. I blamed myself.

The Pain That Comes in Waves

About a month after the breakup—two weeks into self-quarantine—I was having my nightly Sex and the City binge when an Instagram ad popped up for the exact phone case London had. It wasn’t popular in America, so I brushed it off as an odd coincidence… until our song started playing in the background.

As “Try a Little Tenderness” played, my mind whispered the thing I hated most: What if this is a sign we’ll get back together?

That’s the dangerous part of a breakup—you start romanticizing the good memories and ignoring the truth. You hyper-focus on the wonderful times, the positive impact, and try to make sense of how something so perfect could go so wrong.

The hurt came in waves. One day, I thought, You’re over him. The next, a simple phone case sent me crashing back to square one.

Why You Need to “Emotionally Throw Up”

Breakups are messy and unpredictable, just like the emotions they unleash.
We often try to distract ourselves from the pain, but my mom once told me something I’ll never forget:

“The body never does anything to hurt itself.”

Think about throwing up. Nobody enjoys it, but afterward, you feel better. If we don’t resist the physical urge to throw up, why do we resist emotionally purging our feelings?

Instead of forcing yourself to “move on” before you’re ready, admit when you’re not okay. Only then can you begin to heal.

Giving Yourself Time to Heal

Healing after a breakup isn’t instant. You wouldn’t break your leg and expect to run marathons in a week—so don’t expect your heart to work that way either.

This is the time to reconnect with yourself. Think about the things you wanted to do while in the relationship but never made time for. Start exploring what brings you joy without worrying about anyone else’s opinion.

Some ideas:

• Make yourself coffee and finally read that book you’ve been putting off.
• Try yoga, meditation, or stretching in the mornings.
• Bake that cake you’ve been thinking about.
• Start journaling your thoughts, even if they’re messy.

The Most Important Relationship Is With Yourself

Relationships come and go—and one day, quarantine will too. But the most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one with yourself.

Holding on to toxic emotions only hurts you in the long run. Take this time to rebuild, piece by piece, into someone who feels whole on her own.
You are not defined by who stayed or who left.
You are defined by how fiercely you choose to show up for yourself when no one else does.